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My Moms' Most Significant Memory; Narrative on a significant memory


acharrell 2 / 3  
Feb 25, 2013   #1
My Moms' Most Significant Memory

I asked my mom about her most significant memory, of course it was about her children. Tonya said that each kid has brought new meaning into her life, another reason to carry out each day, another thing to love, and another friend. Each kid is special in his or her own way, different levels of patience and personality. My mom said she has learned so much more than she would have ever thought to have learned from her kids like, endurance, value of life, laughter, true love, the simple things in life, and to never take a day for granted. She learned to never take a day for granted when her son almost died in a car wreck. The car was totaled and they had to use the jaws of life to retrieve William, if he wouldn't have been in her car there was a possibility that he could not have survived the car crash, this is why Tonya never takes a day for granted. Her oldest son, Robert, has taught her to never judge a person by their looks, she says that Robert has never been judgemental toward anyone or anything. Robert came home with a tattoo one day and Tonya was extremely upset with him, but after a while, it doesn't matter about what they look like, it's about their personality and who they truly are on the inside. Her second oldest, James, has taught her patience, something that he himself needs to learn. James is a minature father to his younger sister and is a spitting image of his own father. His father is just as impatient as James and you have to have patience with an impatient person. Her second youngest, Samuel, has taught her the simple things in life. Samuel everyday goes to his woodshop for three or so hours to just enjoy life and to get away from everything going on in the world. Her youngest and only daughter, Ann Caroline, has taught her to just smile and laugh at the mistakes in life. Ann Caroline has always been so full of life and laughter, she is easy going and always cheerful. All five of her kids have taught her the meaning of true love and how to look through each kids perspective and to never judge.

I want to know if this sounds ok and if i should add or take away words or if i should change anything.
gudxo2014 - / 4 1  
Feb 25, 2013   #2
I did best job as possible,
hope you got good grade
My advision might be wrong

I asked my mom about her most significant memory, of course it was about her children. Tonya said that each kid has brought new meaning into her life, another reason to carry out each day, another thing to love, and another friend. Each kid is special in his or her own way, different levels of patience and personality. My mom said she has learned so much more than she would have ever thought to have learned from her kids like, endurance, value of life, laughter, true love, the simple things in life, andto never take[The infinitive verb "to " has been split by the modifier "never"]a day for granted[verb tense, verb tenses are in the proper sequence, particularly if the independent clause is in the past tense. ]. She learned to never take[The infinitive verb "to " has been split by the modifier "never" ] a day for granted when her son almost died in a car wreck. The car was totaled[passive voice; change it] ,and they had to use the jaws of life to retrieve William, if he wouldn't have been in her car[ squinting modifiers , Make sure it is clear which clause is being modified by this word] there was a possibility that he could not have survived the car crash, this is why[wordiness; choose another word] Tonya never takes a day for granted. Her oldest son, Robert, has taught her to never judge[split infinitives; check again] a person by their looks, she says that Robert has never been judgmental toward anyone or anything. Robert came home with a tattoo one day, and Tonya was extremely upset with him, but after a while, it doesn't matter about what they look like, it's about their personality and who they truly are on the inside. Her second oldest, James, has taught her patience, something that hehimself needs to learn. James is a miniature father to his younger sister and is a spitting image of his own father. [and] His father is just as impatient as James and you have to have patience with an impatient person. Her second youngest, Samuel, has taught her the simple things in life. Samuel everyday goes to his woodshop for three or so hours to just enjoy[split infinitive; check again ]life and to get away from everything going on in the world. Her youngest and only daughter, Ann Caroline,has taught ][ use have or had] her to just smile and laugh at the mistakes in life. Ann Caroline has always been so full of life and laughter, [ ; ] she is easy going and always cheerful. All five of her kids have taught her the meaning of true love and how to look through each kids perspective and to never judge [ The quantifier "each" may not be used properly in this sentence. Consider changing the noun to the singular, or using a different adjective with the plural noun ]
OP acharrell 2 / 3  
Feb 25, 2013   #3
In the essay do I say she learned too much? And for possession, do I say Tonya's or Tonyas'?


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