Money has become an essential part of everyday life; job satisfaction vs salary?

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

job satisfaction is more vital, money is less significant

In the modern era, money has become an essential part of everyday life. There are those who say that the worker should choose a job with high wage, however others believe that people who is seeking an occupation should think about job satisfaction. This essay will examine both sides of the argument and provide an overall opinion. Generally speaking, there are is a wide range of reasons why people believe that big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Perhaps the main reason why people are favour of this ideas is because money in very crucial and necessary for survival and make people lead a happy life. This is because everybody needs money to pay for cost of living and money also helps quality of people life is better and happier. In addition, when people have a job with a high salary, it makes them feel satisfied and they do not care anymore what kind of job they do. As a result, people can enjoy their life.

Despite these arguments, there is also a case for the idea that job satisfaction is more vital than the work which is a big salary. Perhaps the main reason why people think that it keeps people motivated and people can promote at work. As a result, people have a chance to lead a career growth and going to set up own company. Moreover, money does not matter as people do the work they love. For example, a lot of famous people around the world say they choose their job because of passion such as Henry Miller, a famous writer.

In conclusion, this is a topic which is very relevant to modern society. I am of the opinion that job satisfaction is more important than high salary because if people can do the job that they love, they not only earn money, they also live with it. Everybody has its own strengths so discover them.

Phạm, the minute that you changed the discussion format for this essay, you already assured yourself of a failing score. When you proved that you could not appropriately address the prompt requirements as outlined in the Task Accuracy section, the examiner already made up his mind to fail you in this essay. Why did he decide on that? The reason is simple, you were asked to agree or disagree with the statement instead, you opted to examine both sides and offer a personal opinion. 2 sets of instructions that is not included in the original prompt. Let me show you exactly how you made this mistake:

Original Discussion Instruction: Do you agree or disagree?
Your Discussion Instruction: This essay will examine both sides of the argument and provide an overall opinion.

See the difference? The original requirement was a single sided opinion discussion. Your version, creates a comparative analysis essay with a personal opinion to boot. This is definitely not what the original instruction is about. Hence, the automatic failing score.

Regardless of how you discussed the rest of the essay, which by the way, is short of the 5 paragraph requirement and also does not follow the maximum 5 sentence requirement per paragraph (even more reason to fail the essay in terms of C&C and GRA considerations), it does not erase the fact that you showed a lack of understanding of the English language when it comes to following instructions. That is why this essay is not going to get you a passing score in terms of any major scoring considerations.

I believe this is an academic essay and thus, you should avoid using words such as there are there is a lot of etc
There are those who say ...

... favour of this ideas is because money ...

It should be idea instead of ideas,
This is because everybody needs money to pay for cost of living and money also helps quality of people life is better and happier.
This sentence is a bit confusing, especially the last part,
This is because everybody has to cover their cost of living and that money improves the quality of people's life.
Your vocabulary is quite simple as well.

Hellooo Natalia..., I have read your response and please allow me to give you valuable feedback for the essay in order that you can achieve better improvements for the next writing. Let me start with the question as you are being asked to discuss opinion whether you are pros or cons towards the case for "high salary is by far more essential than job satisfaction". As we can see from your thesis statement, it seems that such statement fails to raise the issue. This is because you attempt to discuss both views, while the rubric asks you stand in one sided opinion (see the word "OR"). If you do this in the real exam, then this leads to score lower. For the next improvement, it is always better to peruse the question more closely prior to starting writing this essay. By doing so, you thoroughly know what to write, and this helps you score better.

Opening paragraph:
One easy way to tackle this is to paraphrase the rubric and state your claim. If you could, then starting with general ideas as to introduce the topic is one of the best approaches to do. Let me give you an example of this:

- The number one reason people stay working in the same company for years is the huge amount of money they earn. While this is true to some extent, it is claimed that the other factor like job satisfaction should be taken into consideration. For my perspective, I would agree with the former notion because amount of money given fulfills workers' needs, and if this happens continuously, then this leads to a happy life.

As it can be seen from the example above, I develop my opening paragraph into three sentences, which consist of background information, the introduction of the topic, and the claim.

Body paragraphs:
- Leave one line every time you write a new paragraph. From the essay, it seems that you forget to skip a space in paragraph 1. As a result, such part looks too bulky> Starting to introduce your claim as the first thing to do when it comes to body paragraph. This can be done easily by restating your thesis statement. Here are you being tested in paraphrasing skills. Let me give you an example:

Claim: amount of money given fulfills workers' needs
Topic sentence in para 1: Although salary is only one part of compensation, a few extra amount of which can be used to pay the need for expenses is what more workers tend to achieve.

Please learn from my sample. Now it is your task to accomplish the second topic sentence of body paragraph 2.

Closing paragraph:
I cannot even see any overall progression in this paragraph. It is suggested that you wrap up the main ideas from two body paragraphs, and then leave you personal view towards the issue. By doing so, your conclusion sounds more convinced.

Good luck. Hope this helps
- Eddy Suaib :)