that money does not means happiness, it can not be measured by material values.
This is called run-on sentence
, which is complete sentences joined without appropriate punctuation or conjunction.
It is hard to argue that a run-on sentence is incorrect. However, you should avoid using it in IELTS.
some couples can not get married because they can not support for familial life or they still got married but faced enormous troubles beacause
There are a lot of websites providing free online spell checker. You can use one of them to make sure you have done for the issues.
Having money, we can affort many things
Write precisely. Avoid using general expressions that makes views sound too simple.
When you deal with IELTS, the first thing the assessor sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read.
Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.
What's then? 4 or 5 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. In the bodies, you will argue more on one side than the other by writing two content paragraphs arguing for and one against. This can help you write more words, but some seems inefficient, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D
With a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly, one content paragraph for, and one againts. This is good for coherence and cohesion between sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.
Hope this helps.
Anyway, I like your writing :)