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Can money bring happiness ? why or why not ?


SpecialK 1 / -  
Mar 21, 2014   #1
People often argue, if money brings happiness or not, but the answer has not been found yet.

In my opinion, happiness is subjective and financial sides does not determine it. I think it depends on human. Some people have much money, but they are still bored and lonely, while other wealthy people have it and also know how to spend it, so their lives are full of happiness.

The idea, that money does not means happiness, comes, from temporariness of material values, but if we look at it from practical side, there are many facts, that financial pressure has destroyed relationships.

For instance, some couple can not get married , because they can not support children. also in past time, your future marriage or even friendship was defined by their families financial sides.

On the other hand,rich people often doubt, weather their friendship is genuine, or people get in touch with them, just to get profit.
In conclusion, money is inseparable part of our lives and it must be used to stable relationships, or help others. in that case, it will bring happiness.

Bob brother 15 / 22  
Mar 21, 2014   #2
does not means does not mean
also in past time A lso in the past
ilufatsy16 2 / 3 1  
Mar 22, 2014   #3
SpecialK
Firstly, I actually don't know much a bout TOEFL requirements but in IELTS, we shouldn't use "I, We" much when writing.

 E.g: You already use "in my opinion" so I think u shouldn't use "I think" after that.
Some comments:
1. does not means
2. temporariness -> temporary feature of
3. weather -> I know you means whether/if
4. stable -> stablize
Overall your ideas is great but they should be organized more logically, I think :D cheers!
Linh Hoang 5 / 12 2  
Mar 22, 2014   #4
i think in IELTS academic test, we should use more formal words rather than spoken words like "i think", "i hope", so on. So, "in my oppinion" is ok in this situation. It's just my opinion :)
Linh Hoang 5 / 12 2  
Mar 22, 2014   #5
I have some edits, hope that everyone can improve it. Thanks much!
Many people often wonder that whether money brings happiness or not, but until now, there are many arguments.
In my opinion, actually, happiness has no identified definition. I think it depends on each person. Some people have much money, but they are still bored and lonely, while other wealthy people have it and also know how to spend it, so their lives are full of happiness.

Theoretically, that money does not means happiness, it can not be measured by material values. However, if we look at it from practical life, there are many facts that financial pressure has been destroying relationships.

For instance, some couples can not get married because they can not support for familial life or they still got married but faced enormous troubles beacause of lacking the finance . It is clear to see that, especially, in past time, your future marriage or even friendship was defined by their families financial sides.

Therefore, money is distribuing an essential role in our life. Having money, we can affort many things and improve our living standard. Thus, it can bring a comfort life and eventually, people will feel happy.

On the other hand, rich people often doubt, weather their friendship is genuine, or people get in touch with them, just to get profit. One person who live in doubts and fear can never be happy. Or sometime, children who lived in the rich family usually experience lonely feeling as their parent are always busy. In fact, the more life is morden and developed, the more children are autism.

In conclusion, money is inseparable part of our lives and it must be used to stable relationship, or support others. In that case, money will make more sense and bring happiness.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 23, 2014   #6
that money does not means happiness, it can not be measured by material values.

This is called run-on sentence, which is complete sentences joined without appropriate punctuation or conjunction. It is hard to argue that a run-on sentence is incorrect. However, you should avoid using it in IELTS.

some couples can not get married because they can not support for familial life or they still got married but faced enormous troubles beacause

There are a lot of websites providing free online spell checker. You can use one of them to make sure you have done for the issues.

Having money, we can affort many things

Write precisely. Avoid using general expressions that makes views sound too simple.

When you deal with IELTS, the first thing the assessor sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read.

Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

What's then? 4 or 5 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. In the bodies, you will argue more on one side than the other by writing two content paragraphs arguing for and one against. This can help you write more words, but some seems inefficient, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

With a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly, one content paragraph for, and one againts. This is good for coherence and cohesion between sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Hope this helps.

Anyway, I like your writing :)
Linh Hoang 5 / 12 2  
Mar 23, 2014   #7
Thank eddies and dumi so much. Your feedback is really helpful. I will pay attention on it.


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