IELTS WRITING TASK 2: IS MONEY THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR TO MOTIVATE PEOPLE TO STAY IN THE WORKFORCE

is money the key consideration for taking a job?

It is true that plenty of elements have influences on driving workers into different directions of their career path. While some argue that money is the key consideration, I personally disagree with the idea. I believe that employees are increasingly refusing to keep up with the traditional trajectory where stable works with corresponding cumulative salaries are appreciated and instead pursuing multistage employment where they can develop professional expertise.

In early stages of a career, workers, especially to graduated students and novices, have a propensity to take money into no consideration, yet prioritize personal development and working experiences. This period is about to set a milestone for long-term career development and even maximize their potentials provided that they are in the right paths. To be more specific, if they are trained under guidance of supportive colleagues or accommodated with necessary facilities, they are able to widen their knowledge. This is by far the fastest way to be expert in their fields and a great income now comes as an inevitable prize of devotion. On the contrary, workers would miss many opportunities in case they are on the economic side right in the first place.

In later stages of a career, workers tend to stick with jobs that can actually bring grant value. Because they have years of accruing in both financial and professional terms, the jobs at which they are aiming have to meet their aspirations. It is worth noting that those desires can be not for themself, but for social benefit. For example, senior software engineers try to create applications that can facilitate the handicapped with outstanding functions even though it is a niche market and rarely make a profit.

In conclusion, I do not think money can outweigh other motivators in affecting people's choice of profession.

There is no need to say that something is true in the restatement when the opposite is represented in the basic presentation. The restatement should not add information nor alter the original point of view in any way. That is because points will be lost when the writer changes the slant of the discussion in any way. That said, the writer's opinion is well established and offers a complete insight as to how the succeding discussion will be progressing. So the paragraph has both merits and demerits that will affect the preliminary score.



I am not clear about what you are trying to say in this section. Did you mean that money is not a consideration for fresh graduates and new hires? What were you referencing as a grant value? I believe this is a transliteration that created an LR problem. Remember to review all your statements for clarity. When the examiner is confused in any way, he will apply deductions to the score.

Work on writing longer concluding summaries. It should be at least 40 words long otherwise it will not receive full scoring marks.

I agree with the consultant that your conclusion is a little too short while your introduction is quite detailed, just make the introduction straightforward enough so that you can have more time for the 2 passages below.

I can understand your main idea but the way you elaborate is fairly hard to follow.
Keep working on it. Good luck.