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'money is much important' - The Main reason people go to work is to earn money


hadi1981 25 / 44  
Jul 9, 2012   #1
The main reason people go to work is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Job would be the main change of any adult person to live independently; however, the money that
has different effects on the life styles ways may be the hidden reason for any work. I vigorously
agree with people who think that money is the obscured ambitious of any work and I will support my
opinion in the following paragraphs.

First of all, a person search for a good job to earn much money to improve his life because
money is the way for this improvement. For example buying bigger house in a better
place needs more money, as well as studying abroad to get higher education needs money,
consequently, will broad job chances in the future. As a result, pursuing better life is the
purpose of any person which can be aimed by good salary career.

Secondly, saving money helps to create a private job later, therefore any person will look for high salary job to save more money in a less time. I believe that both dependent or independent jobs are measured by their income first and any other reason would be the second, otherwise any job of patent interesting would be better for everyone even with less income.

Finally, If we opposite the equation and ask someone to work for pleasure and enjoyment
only? How many people will accept? I think earning money would be a pleasure itself after
working hard. Everyone likes to see his or her reaping at the end and comparing it with others to
compete and improve it if necessary.

As a conclusion, in the 21st century money is much important and most of people are looking
for best salary to follow the pace of life demands. I think it is better for everyone to start his life in a high salary job, while working in a place that fit his or her interests can be

achieved later.

deepakbaniya 3 / 92 2  
Jul 9, 2012   #2
Hadi,

Your essay is written in good format.
You need to improve grammer and sentences
you parctice a lot,rewrite this again and post it here.
This helps in improving the writing.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jul 9, 2012   #3
Hi, Thank you for your kind words about me.

As a conclusion, in the 21st century money ismuch important(it is important for what?? and most of people are looking for best salary to follow the pace of life demands. I think it is better for everyone to start his life in a highsalary job,(repetition) while working in a place that fit his or her interests can be achieved later.

You should work on grammar and try to use suitable sentences with stronger structures. I think, reading some story books can familiarize you with good sentences' structures and vocabulary. It also improves your reading ability.

Regards
Ahmad
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Jul 9, 2012   #4
I vigorously ( Do you think vigorously is necessary?) agree

----------- @ Hadi - No, it reads better without vigorous as Deepak suggests. You can say "I strongly believe"

You need to pay a great attention to your grammar and sentence structures. Don't rush to use very complicated words though it's good to display your vocabulary is strong. First you should understand the phrases and the situations that you could use those words. Start with simple sentences with correct grammar and more clarity. Then move on to complicated structures. : )
Slim shady 12 / 27  
Jul 11, 2012   #5
try to concentrate on using words grammatically and also utilize academic words as much as possible.
anyway great job and clear ideas...
smogito 4 / 7  
Jul 12, 2012   #6
I think you have been given enough corrections about your grammar, so I'm only go to suggest a few things:

-Don't forget not to use very long sentences, as it makes more difficult to read your essay
- Your opinion must be supported by positive arguments and by the discussion of negative arguments. For example: What is better? Summer or Christmas holyday? - I'm going to discuss why is better summer holydays. Firstly because you can go to the swimming pool. A lot of people haven't got own swimming pool but they can go to the public one. Many people prefer christmas because of snow, but I think it might be difficult for people who live in places that get isolated when it snows.

(is a bad example but it's something)
-Check you style, it seems you're arguing orally.

;)


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