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Most of the money in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey went on food, drinks and tobacco


fauziyahtami 22 / 38 6  
Sep 29, 2016   #1
The table provides the information on consumer spending on different items in several countries in 2002. Overall, there are five countries: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey. It can be seen that most of the money in five countries spent on food, drinks and tobacco, otherwise, Leisure/ education are the least and clothing/ footwear at the second place.

In 2002, Turkey has a significant proportion of Food, drinks, tobacco consumer spending than the other countries at 32,14 percent. Ireland was at the second place at 28,91 percent, followed by Spain at less than a fifth. Besides, Sweden has the smallest number at 15,77 percent. The middle column describes consumer spending of clothing/ footwear, where Italy was at the first position at 9 percent, followed by Turkey, Spain, and Ireland in a lower position. The smallest number has owned by Sweden at just over than 5 percent.

Interestingly, the percentage shows that Leisure/ education spending has the smallest number compared the others. In this case, Turkey also at the first position at 4,35 percent consumption. Spain has the fewest number at 1,98 percent. Second, third and fourth position respectively occupied by Sweden, Italy, and Ireland.




Giansy11 18 / 32 5  
Sep 29, 2016   #2
Hi Fauzi..
i found some mistakes on your writing. Lemme explain.

The table provides the information on about consumer spending on different items in ...
Don't use article for general
... in five countries spent on food, drinks and tobacco, otherwise,(...) least and clothing/ footwear at the second place . followed by clothing and footwear
... proportion of Food, drinks , tobacco consumer spending than ...
parallel : food (U) drink (U) tobacco (U)

- too much repetitions on your sentence.

Keep practice
andika_soppeng - / 16 2  
Sep 30, 2016   #3
HI

Fuziahtami

I had read your writing task 1 carefully,,,
however this essay is quite difficult to understand and tend to make me confuse,,

Overall, there are five countries,(...): Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey .
... most of the money IS in five countries spent on food, (...), Leisure/ education are WERE the least and clothing/ footwear at the second place.( JUST MENTION THE GREATEST AND THE LOWEST PROPORTION.

In 2002, Turkey has SAW a significant proportion of ...
Besides, Sweden has WITNESSED the smallest number ...
The smallest number has SHOWED owned by Sweden at just ...

... has the smallest number compared TO the others. In this case, Turkey also at the first position at ... ( THERE IS NO VERB IN THIS SENTENCE). Spain has HAD the fewest number ...

after reading you confusing writing , I can give you some advice which is important to take into account

1. in introduction, paraphrase the question and give overview by mentioning the greatest and the lowest quantity.
2. in body, attempt to group the similar pattern of information
3 avoid listing and attempt to make comparison
e,g : while turkey saw the greatest proportion, Sweden experienced the lowest,,,> this sentence compare the highest and the lowest percentage.
4. use appropriate collocation
e.g : compare + to
different + from or then
5. pay attention on grammatical accuracy,
E.g writing above have to use past tense or past perfect tense while you utilize present tense
6. pay attention on your sentence
every sentence have to consist of 1 verb
while in your writing I discover some sentence do not have VERB
e.g: Turkey also at the first position at 4,35 percent consumption

7. use language of change


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