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Money from parents to encourage their children to become more passionate about study


aysoo 1 / -  
Oct 18, 2019   #1

Some parents offer their school-aged children money for each high grade they get in the school



In today's modern world, education has formed a key element of one's prosperity and success. As a result, parents have adopted various methods in order to encourage their children to become passionate about study, such as giving money as a reward for getting high mark. The obvious question may arise is whether children can reap benefit of this method or not. I, personally, believe that this method's drawbacks can outweigh to its advantages. The reasons why I believe so are elaborated hereunder.

In the first place, paying money to children as a reward can have negative and destructive effects on children's character. By way of explanation, according to a very simple psychological principle, one's personality is shaped to the large extent in childhood, so it is more important to treat with children carefully. Paying money to children for getting high mark can form bad attribute in children, generating high expectation of others in all situation and becoming lazy are of prime importance. These bad qualities may be appear when children grow up and start their career. For example when individuals who were regularly paid by their parents for good remarks do their work excellently, it is likely that they expect their managers to praise them by giving extra money. It is critically important to mention if their expectations will not been satisfied, they lost their passion about their job. This is why child psychologists express serious concerns about applying this method of encouraging children to study.

Second, another reason from my point of view is that paying money for every high grade which is attained by children has a short-term effect. In fact, when children grow up, there are not this motivation, so they do not have strong incentive to follow their goals. Parents can use other incentive which persuade them to study hard, including teach them about the valuable results of getting high grades. In fact, children should know that if they study hard and get a high mark, they reap benefit from this situation not their parents, because this matter can have positive effects on their future and they can have better and more opportunities to find a suitable job.

To sum up, taking into account what was already mentioned, I hold the view that although paying money to student for getting high mark can encourage them to study hard, it has short-term impacts on children's education and has destructive effects on children character.
MalleyKat 1 / 3 4  
Oct 18, 2019   #2
a good essay, however, please consider the following edits, especially if there is a word limit:

In today's modern world, - presently or contemporaneously,

I, personally, believe that - i believe or it is my belief that

... may be appear when - may manifest..

Secondly, another reason from my point of view - (it has already been established that the essay is based on your opinions)

there are not this motivation - there lacks a motivating drive

To sum up, taking ... - in conclusion, .... (no need to mention aforementioned issues, the reader knows this)

I hope this helps and good luck!
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Oct 19, 2019   #3
@aysoo
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I'm here to give you feedback on your writing. Hopefully, you will be able to learn at least something from this.

Firstly, the first paragraph (although is quite alright) needs a bit hammering down. The structural composition of the third to last sentence here appears to be rather baffling. What I would suggest is trying to cut your content into smaller and easier to digest chunks. This will certainly go a long way when you're trying to write with precision.

Furthermore, the next paragraphs also suffer from the same mistakes. What I would heavily recommend that you do is focus on how you can integrate these thoughts and opinions into a more understandable cluster. If we take a look at your second paragraph's last sentences, the conclusiveness of the content appears to be rather lost instead of easy to comprehend.


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