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Money plays an important role in deciding on a career. Salary importance.

nhihoai 1 / -  
Jul 11, 2018   #1
when choosing a job, salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Salary importance at work

These days, many people choose a job with high salary. In my opinion, I disagree that money plays an important role in deciding on a career. I believe there are other important considerations when choosing a job.

On the other hand, money is essential to our lives. We all need money to survive and meet our basic needs. For example, we have to pay for housing, health care, education and so on from the salary that we earn from our work. As a result, money impoves people's standard living. By contrast, others choose their jobs based on enjoyment. For instance, musicians and artists are considered to be professions where passion is more than money, but they do not always make enough money to fulfil all their desires.

However, I believe money is not the most important factor for people choosing a job. There are other essential aspects to find a career. Firstly, the physical environment of a workplace extremely significant when you choose an occupation. A good work environment has a lot of positive effects on employees. For example, if they work in a positive workplace, they will be happy and make more productive and mke less mistakes. Therefore, they can improve their skills and professions. Moreover, some people choose a career just beacause they want to contribute something positive for society such as activists, doctors, teachers and so on.

In conclusion, although money has a strong effect on people's lives, I believe that it is not the only thing that should be looked for.

Jul 11, 2018   #2
some recommendations for your essay:
1. on the one hand
2. healthcare
3. we all need
4. improves
5. standard of living/living standard
6. jobs based on enjoyment => jobs base on job satisfaction
7. professions => professionals
8. where passion is more than money => where money is pale in significance compares to passion
9. fulfill
10. ... of a workplace is extremely ...
11. they will be more happy and make more productive
12. mke less => make fewer
13. because
14. contribute something positive for society => contribute positively to the society

11. they will be happier and more productive. Sorry :))
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,193 2316  
Jul 12, 2018   #3
Nguyen, this is an extent essay that requires a measurement of response or emotional response to the prompt. This is not a direct discussion essay as you have it presented in your prompt paraphrase paragraph. While you did disagree, there is a lack of measurement or emotion in your response, making it only partly responsive to the prompt provided. Look at the mistake that you made:

Prompt: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Response: I disagree that money plays an important role in deciding on a career.

Based on the content of your body of paragraphs, your more appropriate response should have been:

I partly agree with this statement because...

In order to create a stronger discussion, present your discussion / 3 body paragraphs in the following manner next time:

Par. 2 - Reason you disagree with the statement. 1 topic with full supporting explanations and sample.

Par. 3 - Reason you agree with the statement. Make sure to fully explain yourself with examples if required. One topic only as well.

Par. 4 - Opinion that combines the two reasons into a balanced example of why both aspects of the agreement and disagreement are correct.

Following this example would further strengthen your position of standing in the middle when it comes to supporting the best and worst of the 2 arguments. BTW, remember to properly summarize the discussion presentation in your concluding statement next time. Look at examples of how to do that in the other essays provided at this forum.

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