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[IELTS] Money on protecting animals vs human well-being


anhpnguyen 4 / 4 1  
Mar 25, 2019   #1

MEASURING WHAT MATTERS



Since human beings existed in the world, animals have always accompanied us. They are of great help to human in different aspects. However, in recent years, a growing number of people believe that instead of investing money in preserving wild animals, government should spend those money on improving human beings. In my opinion, I would not go along with them.

Firstly, money invested in animal protection to save wide animals, who are in danger of extinction also contributes to well-being of human. As wild animals continue to exist, human can have a great source of entertainment. For instance, government often build zoo to provide a safe living zone for wild animals. Not only beneficial to animal, zoo also provides a great source of entertainment to human. It is an ideal place for families with children to spend their weekends.

Secondly, because the existence of wide animals is essential to the progress of human beings, money on protecting animals is way to improve well-beings of human. As some wide animals has been used for animal testing, they allow scientists to test new drugs. With the help of animal testing, we found cures to many formerly fatal illnesses. Additionally, there are a considerable number of drugs that contain animal products. Hence, the existence of animals plays an importance role in human health care.

From the aforementioned reasons above, I believe that the money government spend on preserving wild animals greatly contribute to the human well-beings. Hence, government should take this idea into consideration to not only preserve the wildlife diversification but also improve human well-being

nhuxuan 2 / 2  
Mar 25, 2019   #2
it seems to me that you need offer a full tittle to get it easier to understand
who are in danger of extinction. it is better to replace by are endangered
Maria [Contributor] - / 934 337  
Mar 25, 2019   #3
@anhpnguyen
To create a more natural flow in your essay, I suggest rephrasing some of your lines. Remember that when you're writing, you are writing with a specific flow in mind.

Let's take your first paragraph. I would rewrite this as:
Animals are indespensible companions of human beings because of how they offer assistance in many ways.
I suggest that you alter the last sentence of your first paragraph. An opinion would be better utilized in an essay if you could extend your argument. You could mention a shortened version as to why your argument is in this light. You can also just quickly say that there are benefits to retaining the government's budget allocation.

I also suggest revising your points of discussion in the essay. Because the subject of zoos and animal testing can be crossing an ethical line, it would be better to opt for a discussion on other ways that animals contribute to the well-being of humans. You can discuss, for instance, the topic of why ecological diversity is vital for human beings - or perhaps look for something similar.

Aside from this, a couple of faults come from grammatical errors - all of which can easily be altered through rereading, proofreading, and editing your essay once more.


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