Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school
Financial motivation for students
A well educated student always have an edge over others when competing to others in work. Thus parents expect their children to achieve a high mark during the test, which may be the only way to define whether is a student well-educated or not. To achieve this goal, parents figure out several ways to motivate their children to earn more points in school. Using money as a reward is one way, which is under a hot debate. Personally, I think it is a good idea to do so.
Using money to encourage a student is a win-win way for both of parents and children. A child still in school is at an age that having the desire of being noticed. Wearing famous-branded clothes or shoes is a common way, which definitely need a big amount of money. To realize their goal of being noticed, students are willing to study harder to earn more money. Both the parents and the children will be satisfied through this whole process.
During this process, a child will learn about one should always push themselves hard in order to earn their money. As for most of the children are supported by their parents until they graduate from university, which means they do not have much chance to earn their own money. In this way one cannot tell that earning is not a easy thing. Life is always hard and there is no free lunch for anyone. The earlier one understand this, the better they are prepared for getting into this society. By earning money from a good grade, students can experience this common rule and follow it.
Although one may say that giving too much money to children for score is not a good idea, I believe that a children can actually start early learning how to manage their own money under a proper instruction from parents. When I was a kid, my mom used to gave me money as a reward for good grades. I usually use those money to buy my favorite snakes and toys. It is my mom who give me a chance to decide how to use my own money. The most significant thing, however, is that she also taught me how to deal with it. She told me that I should always save one third of it for the future in terms of buying things that I extremely want while it was not cheap. In this way, I can not only learn knowledge about science from school, but also master how to make a good use of my own save.
All in all, using money as the reward of a good grade can motivate students to be hardworking, can teach them about earning, and can give them a chance to learn how to manage their own money. So in my perspective, I support parents to reward their children with money for a high score.
Cindy, it is difficult for me to assess the impressive work that you have presented here. You did not include the original prompt requirement in your post, which is a requirement for all English exam essay postings here, so that I could have a guideline regarding the proper analysis and considerations for your essay content. So I will not be able to assess you on the basis of the scoring guidelines. Hence, I will not be able to point out your problem areas either and suggest the improvements you should make.
As a general themed essay, you have written a very good defense of your stand on the issue. You have clearly stated your position and used ample reasons and examples to support your stance. However, I am not sure if you have adequately responded to the essay prompt. Somehow, it feels like you should have presented a balanced discussion of the issue. There is something missing in the essay that I can't put my finger on. Unfortunately, I can only review your work for this essay once so it would be useless for you to post the full prompt after you read my comments.
Your essay shows a clear understanding of a given topic. Whether it is a clear understanding of the prompt in question is another issue. However, you have managed to represent a logical and coherent discussion in the essay as far as I can tell. I hope that your essay truly responded to the prompt requirements. If you did, then you have the potential to get a pretty decent score in the actual test. Provided all of your practice essays are somewhat as impressive as this one.