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Money spent on a variety of social spheres by local authorities in Someland in three years

buianhhong 1 / 1  
Jul 11, 2019   #1

writing task 1 in Ielts examination

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The three pie charts illustrates how much money spent on a variety of social spheres by local authorities in Someland in three separate years: 1980, 1990 and 2000

Overall, the money invested in higher education, transportation and enviromental services witnessed an upward trend, while there were corresponding drops in expenditure on K12 education, health and human resources and other aspects.

In all three years, higher education remained the largest proportion of total expenditure, increasing from 35% to 40%. Similarly, despite haiving plummeted by 10% in 1990, the financial support for transportation recovered and rose markedly to 22% .Additionally, the money allocated to environemtal services also experienced a considerable growth, initially standing at 4% and ended at 9%.

In contrast, the money spent on K12 education saw an opposite trend. In 1980, K12 education accounted for the second largest proportion of total expenditure, but ten years later, the amount of money invested in this filed declined significantly by 7%. Similar to K12 education's trend, having reached a peak in 1990, the expenditure on health and human resources decreased dramatically to 10%, a half in 1990.

nimbus2k2 8 / 25 6  
Jul 12, 2019   #2
Hi @buianhhong
Overall your sentences are well written with impressive vocabulary. However, be careful with your spellings. Try to paraphrase the keywords, for example K-12 education can be replaced with education at K12 levels.

Try to use different sentence structures for the last paragraph, because I see some appeared in the paragraph above already.

Hope you find my comment useful!
Maria [Contributor] - / 715 275  
Jul 13, 2019   #3
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the feedback you're looking for here.

Firstly, the composition you have right here is quite well-done. I think your straightforward and technical approach is effective in relaying the information you had here. Your interpretations are also quite put-together.

I would only suggest that you try to minimize the excessive usage of filler transition words as they can be too much at times. Try to opt for more organic transitions along the way as it can save space for your essay writing.

I would also suggest revising some portions to enable you to make formal the language you have.

Best of luck as always.
OP buianhhong 1 / 1  
Jul 13, 2019   #4
I appreciate for your help !!! Thanks a lot !

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