Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds.
Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?
The majority of people consider that too much money has been used in conserving wild animals and birds, which also attract a great amount of attention from the public. I agree entirely with this statement as it is crucial for us to pay attention and budget to maintain the wildlife ecosystem.
To begin with, it is such reasonable funding to protect wild animals since it greatly prevents the loss of biodiversity. Due to the fact that, there are plenty of mass extinctions throughout the development of humankind that are caused by human activities, such as the process of industrialization, urbanization and population growth. This problem is often neglected since to satisfy the demands of living standards, the authorities only focus on other urgent problems that bring them short-term profitably effects. Meanwhile, wild animals could be on verge of extinction, but very few actions have been done to respond to this issue. Having made more efforts to preserve these kinds of species as they play a key role in maintaining biodiversity. Being fully aware of protecting wild animals and birds might help us sustain our natural ecosystem.
Furthermore, having given such a large amount of money can support authorities to raise awareness of protecting wild animals. In the past, overhunting and exotic animal trade tended to be common, leading to the loss of several exotic species. However, attributing this to the efforts of the public and government, this tendency has decreased significantly. Thanks to this, humankind has been given a wake to their general ignorance in the past. Having been aware of these serious detriments, the government has funded an enormous budget to contribute to preserve the wild animals.
To sum up, it is acceptable that the government spends such mass funding to bring us sustainable biodiversity and also encourages us to have a full awareness in conserving wildlife.
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Do not overemphasize the opinion presentation unless asked to do so in an extent essay. Always ensure that the writer's opinion is presented in the format as required by the discussion instruction. So, where "to what extent" is not specified, a simple dis/agreement with the opinion will be more than sufficient to establish the writer's opinion. The reasoning statement to support the writer's opinion is very good though. It truly establishes the discussion focus of the next paragraphs.
The first reasoning paragraph deviated from the original discussion point for the most part. The discussion about the importance of biodiversity maintenance brought the discussion back on track though. Try not to discuss irrelevant subjects that unreasonably lengthen the presentation. Stay on point. Keep the examiner interested by focusing in relevant points throughout the discussion. This was successfully accomplished in the second reasoning paragraph.
When writing the concluding summary, always use a reverse paraphrase. This is a presentation that should number at least 40 words over 2 sentence or more. The current conclusion does not meet this scoring requirement.