Hi I need some urgent feedback for my short essay on moral education.Its due tomoro and i need some help with a good introduction and conclusion as i feel im repeating myself.I have to base my essay on Alive-O ,its the religion book I use for teaching.Please help!
The moral education aim in the Alive 0-8 and Alive 0-4, is to help them grow into mature Christians. To fulfill the c understood that to some degree the considerations of the moral development of school children is similar. The aim of moral education is to help them to grow into mature Christians. To do this, a teacher must foster the children's personal and emotional development and allow the children to understand that learning to live like a Christian are life long tasks.
There are only slight difference's between the Alive 0-4 and Alive O-8. One of the difference mentioned in Alive 0-8 that isn't in Alive 0-4 is the fifth point outlined. This states 'Parent's love and affection for each other and for their children helps the children develop a positive attitude towards the human body and towards sexuality. The attitude of adults to what children may be exposed to in the media is important'. This is very important to the children as they are entering puberty and are more aware of their bodies and the changes happening to their bodies. Alive 0-8 ? if parents have a close relationship with one another and have respect for each other and their children, then this is passed on to the children to have respect for their bodies and for others.
The media has a huge impact on children lives and parents are responsible as to what media content their children have access to. The media can be very harmful in portraying a negative social acceptance regarding body weight and body size. This could lead to a child having body issues and low self confidence because of what the media portrays as being socially accepted.
Another major issue regarding moral education that should be discussed with children in senior classes is the influence of peer groups. This issue is beneficial to the moral and personal development and growth of the child as every child will have an experience of dealing with peer pressure in real-life situations. Group work would be ideal to raise issues and discuss some of the options and choices a child might have to make in certain situations. The children could propose solutions on how to deal with them and also understand that it is ok to say no and that it is very important not to give into peer pressure if they are not comfortable in a certain environment.
In Alive 0-4, the school plays a major role in the child's life, as a good school atmosphere encourages respect for others in the school and this helps the children to understand how to relate to other children and how to relate to God. Alive 0-8 helps the children to develop morally by being exposed to Jesus' love and be inspired to follow Jesus in their own lives like other people for example Mary Magdalene who had a deep commitment and lifelong journey following in Jesus' path.
Greeetings!
I think you can shorten your opening paragraph a bit and take out the repetition like this:
The aim of moral education is to help children grow into mature Christians. To do this, a teacher must foster the children's personal and emotional development and allow them to understand that learning to live like a Christian is a life-long task. The purpose of the Alive 0-8 and Alive 0-4 curriculum is to assist in the moral development of school children by providing a strong moral foundation.
Some editing suggestions:
difference's - don't use an apostrophe to make plurals. It's differences.
One of the difference mentioned - again, it's plural, so differences.
huge impact on children's lives
"... be inspired to follow Jesus in their own lives like other people for example Mary Magdalene who had a deep commitment and lifelong journey following in Jesus' path." - this is a run-on sentence and the reference to Mary Magdalene seems a little out of place. I think you should put a period after "people" and then add one concluding sentence similar to this: "Together, Alive 0-4 and Alive 0-8 can provide the tools necessary to help children create a strong moral basis for their future lives as Christians."
I hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
do u think there is a flow to it?
Greetings!
You have interjected a lot of extra sentences in the opening that make it lose its cohesiveness. It now seems to ramble back and forth between describing moral education in general, Alive as a teaching tool, and your personal goals as a teacher. It is not clear whether your thesis is to do with the importance of a moral education or with the Alive materials.
If you are supposed to include both, it might be best to use your opening to describe the importance of moral education, and then open the second paragraph with something like: "An important tool in developing these moral teachings in school children is Alive ..."
Your conclusion should mirror your introduction to a large degree, so what your closing paragraph says will depend on what you edit your opening paragraph to include.
Hope this helps!
Sarah, EssayForum.com
ok now im confused...lol!!!
It has to do with the importance of moral education and I also have to include my own experiences in this essay which i think is difficult. what should i do, shuffle around the sentences??
So I have to get my intro correct to be able to write my conclusion then?what should i omit?
Im really stuck!!!Its 20 past twelve here in Ireland so not many hours left till morning!!
I need to get finished.
Greetings!
Sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner. The thing is, you want to have a clear thesis statement and you want each sentence in a paragraph to relate to the topic of that paragraph. One way would be to add your own experiences in a paragraph of their own, though you wouldn't necessarily have to do it that way. For instance: The aim of moral education is to help children to grow into mature Christians. To do this, a teacher must foster the children's personal and emotional development and allow the children to understand that learning to live like a Christian is a life-long task. This is something I plan to focus on in my teaching career because I feel it is vitally important." See how it flowed naturally into the paragraph?
I hope everything turned out all right for you!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Thanks for your help...handed in essay today!!!!One job out of the way...lol
Thanks again!
