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My mother; she was a teacher: an important person


bechir3 1 / 1  
May 22, 2011   #1
Through my life I had the opportunity to meet many people. My mother is without a doubt the most important person in my life. She made many sacrifices to raise me. She was a teacher; however she left her job to take care of me. She dedicated all her time, effort to bring me up. When, I was young I was frequently falling ill, mom had sleepless nights looking after me. when I think about my mother it comes to my mind the memories of the city's park, where she took me every weekend to play and to see the animals ,the memories of the beautiful beach of Sousse with its magical sand . We went there to swim, to build sand castles. I built my castles too close to the shore, once I finished it, see waves destroyed it completely. So I began to cry but my mother was there to comfort me and she bought a lot of candies. Also my mother used to tell stories every night, the stories of one thousand and one nights, comic's books, and plenty of jokes. What a wonderful time!! When I enrolled at school, she was always helping me with my homework, clarifying the lessons and assisting me. I would never be a good student without her. She always encouraged me to do my best, to work hard. She taught me to respect the other', to be kind, and to be tolerant. I think that those values are important because they help me a lot through my social life in a way that I make friends quickly , I like the voluntary work , I enjoy helping other and others always help me when I need them . Mom taught me also the respect of the environment. She tells me always to turn off the lights when I'm not in a room. We plant trees and other plants in our garden. Moreover she recycles by separating cans, bottles, plastic, and newspaper and she takes it to a recycling center once every two weeks or every month. I'm very fond of do it yourself .When I was a child; mom bought me Lego kits and other kits. I was always playing with Lego building robots, cars, castles... Now I have plenty of tools and I repair all broken things at home and this all due to Lego kits.

My mother had a big influence on my life since I was born. All the values she taught me made me a good citizen ready to help the other, concerned about the planet and try to make from our world a better place. I found those values in the job of engineer which I love . So I would to be an engineer and I think that my mother will be proud of me .

this my essay can help me . if you have any idea please tell me . thank you :)

dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
May 22, 2011   #2
She dedicated all her time,in her efforts to bring me up.

When, ( no comma here) I was young I was frequently falling ill,and my mom had many sleepless nights looking aftertaking care of me.-------- I did some changes to improve the effectiveness of your sentence.

wW hen I think about my mother it comes to my mind the memories of the city's park, where she took me every weekend to play and to seewatch the animals ,and the memories of the beautiful beach of Sousse with its magical sand . We went there to swim,and to build sand castles.I built my castles too close to the shore, once I finished itbuilding them , seesea waves destroyed itthem completely.
OP bechir3 1 / 1  
May 22, 2011   #3
and what do you think about the essay . should i improve it ??
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 23, 2011   #4
The first sentence is not very effective. You should change it! What is the best sentence you can write to begin this essay? It is the first sentence that will put a thought in the reader's mind...

When, I was young I was frequently falling ill, and mom had sleepless nights looking after me.

Capitalize the first word of every sentence!
When I think about...

I built my castles too close to the shore, so once I finished them I saw waves destroy it completely.

I want to read more about whay kind of engineering you want to do!
Also, what is the most important message of the essay? What message do you want the reader to remember?

Google this: paragraph topic sentence.
Try to write a good PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCE every time you start a paragraph.

:-)


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