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motherhood and father hood


thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Sep 17, 2009   #1
i am preparing for ielts. my writing is not good, and i am really worried about that.thank in advance for your reading.

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In the twentieth century, men and women should be treated in the same way; women have the same chance to develop their own careers as men do. Besides, in families, fatherhood should be as important as motherhood. It is unfair that women have to solely take responsibility to have babies and look after the children. It will be approved by the following analysis.

To begin with, making decision for having babies is one of the most important one in family life. As far as we know, the children are the greatest bridge among partners, and people can not access the real happiness without children. Consequently, whether to have or not babies should be the responsibility for both. Most couples think that the best time to have children is when they can meet viable material needs of their children and have enough time to take care of the children; because, they always want to bring the best thing for their spring off.

Moreover, how to bring the children up, and teach them become well behaved children is the responsibility for both fatherhood and motherhood. It is sure that the role of fatherhood and mother hood is different in family; however, both of them are the same important. It is very unequal that women are responsible solely. Like men, women have their own careers, they have to work at office; thus, why men do not take care of children and women have to do that. In fact, children without their fathers' care, they are not more likely become obeyed children. It is always considered that partners should together bring them up and teach them become good people in the future.

To sum up, it is better that both men and women have the same opportunity to achieve their own goals as well as take responsibility to look after their children and make their families happier.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 17, 2009   #2
It is unfair that women have to solely take responsibility to have babies

I know what you mean, but no. Or rather, yes, I suppose it is unfair, but genetic technology has not yet reached the point where men can "have" babies. Rephrase to say what you mean more precisely.

It will be approved by the following analysis.

Unnecessary even if it were right, which it is not. I think you mean "proved" rather than "approved."

people can not access the real happiness without children

Congratulations -- you have just offended most of your childless readers. Acceptable for an argumentative essay on a different topic, but not here. Also, if having children is pure happiness, why should anyone care if men leave all the joy to women alone?

why men do not take care of children and women have to do that.

An excellent question, but not rhetorical. For instance, the obvious answer is because the role falls more naturally to women. It is the women who carry the child for nine months, giving them an arguably stronger bond to the child than the father has. Also, women are the ones who have the biological equipment to feed the child once it is born. Technology has allowed men to potentially feed child milk from other sources, but it doesn't change the basic biological imperatives or alter gender-based psychology, no matter how much some people wish it otherwise. This is not to say that your argument is wrong, btw. You can in fact make a very strong case for your thesis. But even in a TOFEL essay, you shouldn't ask rhetorical questions that are likely to provoke an answer that works better for the opposite side.
OP thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Sep 18, 2009   #3
thanks so much. in your view, how much scores my essay can achieve.i am really worried about my writing.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 18, 2009   #4
I can't predict a score, but I think you are in good shape to pass.

In the twentieth century, men and women should be treated in the same way

We're in the 21st century now!


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