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Motor use. Problems and solutions. IELTS task 2

sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
Oct 6, 2018   #1

motorbikes are widely utilized in some countries

The private motor vehicle has greatly improved individual freedom of movement. Moreover, it has become a status symbol. Its use, though, has impacted negatively on city centres as a whole.

What are some serious problems brought about by private motor vehicle use? How can its use be reduced?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My writing

Nowadays, especially in developing countries, motorbikes are widely utilized by people due to its flexibility in commuting. However, it is said that there are shortcomings influenced on urban areas. This essay will cite out some issues related to the dilemma and steps to tackle.

To begin with, the prevalence of motorbikes is identified as the main factor of traffic congestion in rush hour. Taking Hanoi, which is a capital city of Vietnam as an example, in the constraint time of 5 p.m to 6h30 p.m is totally a nightmare for its citizens because of loads motors got stucked in the streets in an irritating phenamenon. Alongside the traffic problem is the enviromental hurdles, in which is explained by the release of fumes from motorbikes into the air. This issue is one of the major components contributed to the rising of global temperature. Another point to be considered, motorbikes are the dominant reason that causes mishaps annually. This is an act of people's low courtesy, when they take advantages of the flexibility of motorbikes to go through the red traffic light sometimes.

Some measures are taken to address the issue. The first solution is that the goverments should raise taxes on motorbikes. By applying that technique, people will be less likely to access to this commuting method. Moreover, the local authorities are advised to concentrate on developing public transports, in order to encourage local metropolicians to consume less private transports.

In conclusion, the tendancy of motorbikes results in negative impact on cities. This issue can cause traffic jam, damage the enviroment and arise accidents every year. Therefore, interest increase and the widespread of public transports are the keys to resolve the dilemma.

I have questions: How many times should a word be repeated in an essay? And how or when can you repeat a word?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,028 4247  
Oct 7, 2018   #2
Hoang, your prompt paraphrase should have included a direct response to the questions provided. This is not an opinion essay, this is a direct response essay. As such, your response should have included the outline of the discussion based on topic presentation within the body of paragraphs.

Your second paragraph is confusing to read. It lacks transition phrases or sentences that should have shown a continued to discussion of the problems that motorbike use causes. It should be similar to the following:

Motorbikes have been known to cause road congestions. In Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh city in particular, the hours of 5:00 to 6:00 PM are a traffic nightmare as the motorbikes often pile up and get stuck on the road. This conglomeration of motorbikes offers more than just movement congestion in the streets. Motorbikes are one of the major reasons for street accidents. These accidents further hold up road traffic as the motorbikes and the injured are cleared from the streets which then aggravates the pollution problem of the country. As such, Vietnam faces a tremendous traffic and pollution problem due to motorbike use.

The clarity of the discussion relies on the connecting / transition sentences that you use to create a cohesive and coherent discussion. If your sentences do not connect in meaning, then the paragraph is confusing and difficult to understand. This could cause a lower GRA and C&C score for you.

Now, about your questions. If the term is a keyword in the presentation, such as the word "motorbike", you should use it as often as possible when referring to the vehicle. While you could use other terms such as motorcycle, scooter, dirt bike, and other variations of the word, you could confuse the reader when you do that. So it is best to use the keyword in its original form, regardless of the times used, in the essay.

For other words in relation to the original prompt paraphrase, you should try to use synonyms as often as possible in order to show a wide vocabulary range. This should also be applied to the rest of the essay discussion. Try not to use the same term more than twice in the presentation. This can help to increase your LR score, most specially when used in the proper manner as it can also help to heighten your C&C and GRA score.

Your essay writing has improved to a small degree. Your clarity within the discussion is still a problem but you manage to properly explain yourself in writing. Just remember, you can't write less than 3 sentences, no more than 5. You accidentally wrote 6 sentences in the second paragraph.
nuradiapuspa 11 / 25  
Oct 15, 2018   #3
Dear @sillyman2000,

I think in this kind of essay, you need to write properly the reasons completed with proper examples. In paragraph 3, perhaps you can organize your paragraph by writing

reason1, example/s1, reason2, example/s2.

Best of lucks!

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