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Movies and television have more positive impact on young people than the negative - TOEFL

Asphodel 4 / 8 3  
Apr 18, 2018   #1
TOEFL writing task 2:
Do you agree or disagree: movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

It's true that movies and television shows are largely commercialized nowadays thereby leave an impression of overemphasizing entertainment and are lack of deeper meanings. However, despite the fact that some commercialized elements could have misleading effect on young people, the overall impact of movies and TV shows is more positive in the way that they either deliver positive themes of stories or bring controversial topics to discussion, both of which are important inspirations especially for young audience.

First, the theme of a movie or TV show is positive at most of the time. One could argue that commercialized movies, for example the superhero type or the 007 type, are always filled with fights and killings and visually striking explosions, and even bloody scenes, all of which present a violent picture to young people and should be considered as bad influence. However, the simplest theme of the movies mentioned above is justice, where the good triumph over the evil. Similarly, TV shows could be talking about made up crimes and have hosts and guests playing detectives, but what it tries to convey in the end is the awareness of both the strength and weakness of human beings. Such themes will definitely contribute to a positive impact and help to eliminate the potential misunderstanding, if any, caused by violent elements.

More importantly, movies and TV shows provide topics that can lead to heated discussion in reality, bringing up diverse opinions of one topic for young people to think for themselves. In such cases, whether the movie or TV show itself provide a "correct" interpretation is not important, compared to the opportunity it offers to involve young people into independent thinking. For instance, TV shows related to the daily activities of kids are always controversial. Some people argue that kids should be protected in an environment not affected by overwhelming public attention, while others enjoy the show and appreciate the cleverness or loveliness of the kids stating that it's nothing wrong to be famous in an early age. For young people, they can choose to stand on either side and some of them do take their position and defend themselves with their own reasons. Surely they can learn a lot from that.

In conclusion, not only do movies and TV shows possess themes that are largely positive, but also they provide real issues worth discussing about among young people, both of which create more positive impact than the negative.

Please help me with specific comments, for example pointing out grammar mistakes or inappropiate use of words etc, or evaluate my overall organization of discussion. Thank you very much!

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,148 3278  
Apr 19, 2018   #2
Tianyi, you do not need to focus so much on your word usage because you have clearly understandable representations of your discussion in the essay. Any mistakes you have grammar - wise are minimal and can be overlooked by the examiner. In fact, he will give an allowance for mistakes because the whole paragraph is coherent and cohesive. You do not have too many problems with GRA either. You have an acceptable range of simple and complex sentence development represented in the essay. However, I would like to point out that you have a tendency to create extremely long (run-on) sentences. Always divide the topics for your sentences. One topic per sentence is enough. Do not make it extremely long. Long sentences do not necessarily indicate complex sentences. That is a common misconception. The main problem with your essay is that you forgot to indicate your disagreement with the original statement provided at the end of your opening paragraph. This being a direct question essay, you must always indicate your personal opinion at the end of the paragraph. This is what will create your effective thesis statement and will be main basis for your TA score.

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