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Moving manufaturers to suburban areas bears demerits

Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Oct 22, 2016   #1
In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The ministries in some countries are recommending industries and businesses to be relocated in suburb area rather than in rural area. Even though the movements of industries and businesses directed to outskirt area is a good idea to reduce the number of people moving to city. The disadvantage of traffic congestion and flood encountered in the relocation point far outweigh any benefits

It is often said that the order to move industrial and business buildings to suburb area is to draw up the population density in the city. As industries and businesses offers work field, the numbers of citizens who migrate to rural area keep increasing. Besides, Industries like shopping centers also provide entertainments which then attract inhabitants to move in the countryside. South Korea citizens proves it where there are 2,5 million people are habituated to live for a while in Busan or Incheon, beside Seoul as its capital city, in order to work. However, this seems to create another density population in the countryside as more people migrate to this place.

Nevertheless, reallocating industries and businesses out of rural area makes it bears urban areas' common problems such as pollutions and flood. It is because moving those buildings do not only bring themselves but all of the things involved like employees and congestions also move. Likewise, having big number of industrial and business buildings triggers flood because there only a small number of lands that can be functioned as landfills. A lecturer from Al-Azhar University conducted a study that examine the merits and demerits of moving industries from Cairo to Alexandria presents that now Alexandria becomes Cairo's twin. This means that its advantage should more concerned and therefore it outnumbers its benefits

In brief, it is undeniable that through the policy to move manufacturers is one effective way to solve population density in rural area, but this idea bring demerits for outskirt as the movement target. Hence, I believe that this policy has greater drawback than its merit.

Bekuk22 15 / 21 3  
Oct 22, 2016   #2
hello miss Didah,,
let me give some corrections. this may help your writing...

1.the number of people moving to city( the city, because this is noun)
2.Even though the movements of industries and businesses directed to outskirt areais (are) a good idea
3.As industries and businessesoffers(offer) work field
4.South Korea citizens proves(prove) it where there are 2,5 million
5.reallocating industries and businesses out of rural areamakes(make) it bears urban areas'

thank you ...
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Oct 22, 2016   #3
Hi Husnul, I believe in this particular essay, you started very strong, you managed to create a well written essay, you have incorporated simple words that is very essential when it comes to writing, this will not only ensure that your readers understand your essay but more importantly, this will let you know that what you wrote is worth a read and very easy to the eyes as well, not too long and not so short.

Now, as much as I notice the strength of the first two paragraphs, I must say, the last one did not stand as much, having said that, below are my thoughts to enhance your essay;

- In briefOverall , it is undeniable that throughthough the policy to (...) way to solve the population density in the rural areas , but this idea bring demerits for outskirtin the urban areas as the movement target.

There you have Husnul, I hope the above revision and insights help in your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we will be here for you.

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