IELTS writing task 2: museums and art galleries
Some people claim that museums and art galleries are not needed today, because everyone can see historical objects or art works by computer. Do you agree or disagree?
In the age of information technology, many people believe that observing artefacts and artistic creations in the internet can lead to disappearance of historical houses and art halls. Personally, I completely disagree with this view.
First of all, it is true that thanks to internet artefacts and paintings can all be accessed freely and almost instantly at the touch of a key on a computer keyboard, but modern technology can never offer us firsthand experience, like museums and art exhibition do. Some objects displayed in these places are not only available for viewing but also for touching and sometimes even trying, which can not be performed when seeing an object on a computer screen. Thanks to these experiences people can immerse in the atmosphere of historical events and fathom the story behind former heritages and pieces of creations. Therefore, it would be an immense loss if such places were to close their doors to the public.
Secondly, memorial houses and art museums are not only places for contemplating artistic masterpieces but also symbol of history and culture of humanity. Visiting these places can remind young generation of civilization and development our ancestors created. Moreover, outdoor activities like visiting museums and art galleries can be advantageous to people's flexibility. People can avoid obesity and monotonous life of staying at home with computer most of time. Museums and art galleries are also places for people to interact with the others having interests in common.
In conclusion, memorial houses and art halls are unreplaceable because of their meanings and experiences to human.
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Having written only 259 words, I do not feel like you have fully reached the potential of this essay to garner you a better than average score. If you write at least 275 words, you will have achieved a mid-range discussion presentation that will allow you avoid too many writing errors, and be considered for better scoring marks in every scoring section. Try that next time, it should do wonders for the clarity of your paragraphs as well.
Your paraphrasing is acceptable except for one small incorrect detail. You are using an extent response (completely) in giving your opinion when the requirement is a non-exaggerated response ( I disagree). State your response only in the manner instructed. I guess you are not too familiar with the various writing styles yet so that is what led to this response format misconception.
The concluding summary should be at least 40 words long. 2-3 sentences in that presentation will work very well in delivering a comprehensive review of the previous topic and reasons.