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Ielts - Museums and art galleries be free of charge for the general public


swathi_12345 7 / 13 5  
Aug 30, 2014   #1
It would be very helpful if you can correct any grammatical errors, check cohesion and vocabulary in the below essay. It would be great if you can rate it for 10.

Essay 4 : Should museums and art galleries be free of charge for the general public, or should a charge, even a voluntary charge, be levied for admittance? Discuss this issue, and give your opinion.

Some people argue that museums are a good source of knowledge and should be available free of cost to everyone. On contrast, there is another argument that museums should levy minimal charge. In my opinion, I think museums should charge basic fee for entry and the government should use these funds for maintenance and update them regularly. I would discuss both the above opinions in my essay.

Those who argue that museums should be freely available to public say that they are a source of education and should be accessible to everyone irrespective of their financial status. If there is an entry fee only wealthy can afford which will not justify the education system. Museums are a wonderful source of knowledge, any source of education should not be available based on economical status.

On the other side, some people believe that there should be minimal admittance fee. Entry to museums cannot be a taboo. There are various ways to make entry fee egalitarian. Entry to students can be made free. Also, by levying fee based on age group would solve the issue to some extent. In India, some museums are free of cost, but they are not updated regularly. Government cannot fund lot of money on museums. It is much better to levy minimal fee than closing them or not able to maintain them in proper conditions. This might also gives people an insight into the importance of museums and eliminates misuse.

In conclusion, I believe that museums should charge a minimal fee. The government cannot maintain museums and upgrade them without funds. There are various ways to make entry fee affordable by everyone. Rules should be implemented to charge fees based on various factors like age, economical status etc.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 30, 2014   #2
On contrast, there is another argument that museums should levy minimal charge.

- But there is another...should have a

I think museums should charge basic fee for entry and the government should use these funds for maintenance and update them regularly

- ... should charge a basic... use these funds for the upkeep of the museum .

I would discuss both the above opinions in my essay .

- I will discuss both these opinions in great detail within this essay .
- This is long enough for an introduction. But try to develop longer introduction statements in order to create a solid foundation for your main argument.

accessible to everyone irrespective of their financial status.

-... regardless of their financial status.

an entry fee only wealthy can afford which will not justify the educationsystem .

- only the wealthy can... not justify the support of education argument .

based on economical status.

Entry to museums cannot be a taboo. There are various ways to make entry fee egalitarian .

- Entry to museums should not favor only one faction of society. If funds are necessary there are various ways to create a financially productive museum.

Also, by levying fee based on age group would solve the issue to some extent. In India, some museums are free of cost, but they are not updated regularly.Government cannot fund lot of money on museums. It is much better to levy minimal fee than closing them or not able to maintain them in proper conditions. This might also gives people an insight into the importance of museums and eliminates misuse.

- One way to make a museum earn its keep is by charging a minimal fee for for group tours but not for individuals and students. The fee can be used to keep the exhibits updated and maintained. The government should not be expected nor are they capable of constantly providing funds for museum maintenance. It is much better to charge a ... than closing the museum due to improper maintenance.

There are various ways to make entry fee affordable by everyone.

-This is a redundancy as you already mentioned this earlier in the essay.

Work on developing the ideas regarding the need to charge a museum fee. The argument is quite short and lacks a hook to make the reader believe in what you are saying. There is plenty of room to develop the arguments of both sides. Take advantage of that in order to create a cohesive and informative paper. Overall, I would give this paper a 7 owing to the grammatical errors and under developed arguments.
OP swathi_12345 7 / 13 5  
Sep 3, 2014   #3
Thanks Dumi, it was a typo, I meant "Entry fee cannot be a taboo" -> Is it not correct? Can some one help please.

And can't we use egalitarian in the above sentence? dictionary meaning says - "the equality of all people, especially in political, economic, or social life.", I wanted to point out that economically it has to be equal to everyone.


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