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Many museums charge for admission while others are free.

bijal 1 / 1  
Jan 15, 2016   #1

Many museums charge for admission while others are free

Do you think advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, museums are seen as a one day picnic spot for public. They are no longer seen as the art treasure or as the heritage of our old culture. There is a sharp decrease in number of visitors to museums. According to one group, this downward trend is due to entrance charges laid by some of the museums. However, others are in favour of this initiative taken by the museums for some reason. Both the views will be discussed in the following essay prior to drawing a valid conclusion.

First of all, considering the idea of the people who are against the charging of admission fees in the museums. They holds a view that young generation is least interested in visiting this art or historic museums as other the entertainment attractions are much more popular than this. Furthermore, if some museums will start collecting visiting fees then the situation is going to be worst in near future. To prevent our ancient art and historical heritage, the museum promoters or committee members should think once on the future consequences of such drastic decisions.

On the other hand, according to other camp who supports the idea of charging admission fees to museums. As they says that public prefer to visit a well-maintained museum, if they find any kind of mismanagement or uncleanness in the premises then they won't visit again. Furthermore, the mouth publicity will make it in the list of the worst place to visit. For that matter, the museums requires a huge fund to manage the staff for cleaning and also for the maintenance of old painting and sculptures. By laying a small amount as an entrance fee, there will be a good help in the maintenance cost of the museums. In addition, they argue that youngsters spend so much amount for the movie tickets and water park fees, why can't they pay an admission fees for visiting the museums? From the above. it can be said that the charging a fee for museum is a viable option.

In conclusion, both the side seems to be correct for the betterment of the museums. However, I would say that the merits of charging people for visiting museums outweigh the demerits. Moreover, I would suggests the government to take initiatives to preserve this museums as well as allocate funds for renovation of the same. Which will give result that, the museums will become a good attraction point for more people including youngsters and they will often come to visit this museums as they go for watching cinema. `

Kindly give suggestions for improvement.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 15, 2016   #2
Bijal, the opening statement is fine. The main problem that I see in it is that you addressed the prompt requirements and yet missed one point. You were supposed to indicate your personal opinion on the prompt in the development of the introduction. There was a need for you to state your opinion at the beginning because the prompt was asking for it as a part of the restated thesis and discussion development within the essay.

You are also facing a problem when it comes to completing your thought process in the written word. Do you realize that in your first paragraph you claimed that museums should not charge fees "To prevent our ancient art and historical heritage , the museum promoters or committee members should think once on the future consequences of such drastic decisions." Are you saying that you do not believe that our heritage should be preserved for future generations so museums should not be allowed to charge an entrance fee? I am sure that you made a mistake in the development of that sentence. Reconsider it and try to write it again. This time, really think about what you want to say, write it down and then read it again to make sure that you are saying what you really want to say. Misstatements such as the one I mentioned could actually force a failing grade for you in the actual test.

Your discussion as to the defense of charging fees actually works and is based on the facts that museums often use to justify their entrance fee charges. While the grammar needs work, you actually got your point across in an understandable manner. However, your conclusion is a different matter. The presentation of a suggestion that is not warranted since it is not required in the prompt has made your conclusion fail. A conclusion is not the place to be presenting a new idea for discussion. Most specially one that is not a part of the prompt that was given to you. The conclusion should only present a summary of the discussion, summarized facts, and your restated opinion.

By the way, the essay asks you to present your opinion because it was asking what you thought of the idea that charging for museum entrance carries more advantages. You presented both sides of the issue, but you did not really indicate a personal opinion on the matter. That is a paragraph that should contain the words "My opinion" or "I believe" to indicate your voice in the paragraph. None of these paragraphs carry that indication.

By the looks of it, this essay can use some major revision work in terms of content and presentation before the revising of the grammar problems can even be addressed. I hope you can find the time to fix the content problems that I pointed out above. It will help if you do that before we address the much needed grammar correction :-)

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