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IELTS 2 - Museums and Historical Sites are Ignored by Local Tourists

fahmisadja 33 / 33 34  
Feb 3, 2016   #1
Many museums and history sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people why is this? What can we done to encourage people to visit museums and historical sites?

Some foreigners are more likely to go to museums and historical sites than local people. This case happens since these places lack of promotion to people in surrounding. For solving this problem, the officers can create campaign to encourage citizens to visit these historical places.

The main principal problem of this issue is that those places are not well-known by people around there because they tend to ignore what they have. The officers may do not promote these destinations to people living around those places. This results in people to overlook the existence of them. A recent study by Tokyo University found a fact when the researchers conducted a research in Indonesia that 200 museums in Indonesia only had at average 100 local visitors every month, while 80% young generations there did not know the best top five museums in Indonesia. It means that these places are unpopular for society.

The greatest way to tackle this problem is that the officers arrange the event to make museums and historical sites more popular such as "a movement to love museums". The officers can invite local citizens to come to museums and socialize to them about a valuable aspect regarding in visiting historical places. With this strategy, the officers can show attractive uniqueness of these places. A study in 2013 by The University of Sussex revealed that visitors of Madame Tussaud Museum in London increased at 30% in 2014 after the its officers created a campaign named 'visit museum 2013'. This brilliant idea brings effective solution.

All in all, poor promotion is primary reason why local people are unlikely to go museums and historical sites. However, people can organize a campaign to overcome this case. It is suggested that the officers should do regularly more or less once in six months.
putri22 33 / 33 5  
Feb 3, 2016   #2
hi fahmi, i think your writing is very good..
there are just few corrections from me to make it better

A recent study by researchers from Tokyo University found a fact when the researchersthey conducted a research in Indonesia ...

... increased at 30% in 2014 after the its(choose one of them) officers created a ...
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Feb 3, 2016   #3
Your essay is cohesive and answers the question very well! I think you could have made one more suggestion, to make a classic five paragraph essay. A couple of suggestion:

For solving this problem...

To solve this problem...

This word choice makes more sense than the one you selected. Again, it is well-advised to try to stick with classic phraseology. Reading books, in English, of a great variety, will help you develop this knack.

The result in people to overlook...

This results in people overlooking...

I believe this is a better format to convey the idea you have. Try to pick the correct verb form. I noticed you have this problem in other places of the essay. Verbs are a very important component of the sentence. They tell you what is happening. So try to pick up a grammar book to assist you with proper usage.

All in all well formatted! An intro and a conclusion are both done well. As I said, one more example might round out the essay.

Good job!


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