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IELTS TASK2: WHY DO YOU NEED MUSIC?


Phuong Thao 2 / 2  
Feb 26, 2014   #1
Music is know as a spiritual food without less in your life. There are many different types of music in the world and we can appreciate it everyday. It is the reason, why do we need music?

First, the world can be diminished through the medoly of music. The author will be used much notes to express his thought, his drea, ambition or his memory. Through the songs, they can be shown about glorious war, introduced about a country. For example, The Ballad of Ho Chi Minh was be composed by Ewan Maccoll which extoled about the nationl hero and the world was known about it.

Second, the music makes the life become noise and busy. Folk songs lulled the child into sleep. It is a operating song lyrics which urged the soilder stably in the battle. When you are happy, you will sing vitoria songs. If you feel sad, music will make friend with you. Thanks to music, the life have many colours, splendid and reverie.

However, the traditional music of a country is more important than the international music. Because, it is pond of a country, is symbol not to mixed with different country. On the other hand, although the instruments used have been very different and more advanced keeping in pace with technological advancements, the basic structure of the traditional music remains unique and unchanged.

In conclution, the music is very necessary in the life. Whatever it is music has been one of the major part time experiences for human beings. Music keeps everyone rejuvenated throughout his life, which proves its necessity.

cras69 2 / 3  
Feb 26, 2014   #2
Well quite a few corrections to be done, but one thing I want to say first.
The topic you've mentioned is "WHY DO **YOU** NEED MUSIC?"
In the whole essay you talk about music in general: its types, some examples and its importance to humans in general. Nowhere do you include why "you" need it.

IMO you should rewrite this. Try mentioning something like, it acts a solace for you. Or maybe listening/playing music is a hobby to you. You could also mention that it helps you concentrate (it helps me!).
sandipsinh 37 / 90 3  
Feb 26, 2014   #3
Isn't it your essay too short. I have inkling about IELTS, what is the length of essay, they demand?
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Feb 26, 2014   #4
Please write the prompt completely. Therefore, your readers are easy to share meaningful feedback.

In conclution, the music is very necessary in the life. Whatever it is music has been one of the major part time experiences for human beings. Music keeps everyone rejuvenated throughout his life, which proves its necessity.

It is nicer if you could construct this paragraph with this pattern below:
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay
The final comment can be:
3.1. a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
3.2. a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 26, 2014   #5
Hey what is the real prompt for this task... that's pretty confusing for me :( ...Is it -

Music is know as a spiritual food without less in your life. There are many different types of music in the world and we can appreciate it everyday. It is the reason, why do we need music?

If so , then where is your introduction? You need to have an introduction , body paragraphs and a conclusion for your essay if you aim to gain a good score for this task. However, I am confused about the configuration of this essay :(


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