[b]Music is not practical and not valuable. Children should not be taught music at school. They should rather learn computing and science. Do you agree or disagree?
School is a place for student's overall development. They become successful by learning various things in school, like, Academics, sports and extra curricular activities. Interestingly, inclusion of extra curricular activities like music, arts and drama in student's timetable has caused a lot of debate. Some people argue that these subjects are not important and they should focus on computers and science. However, I strongly disagree with the idea of eliminating music and drama from schools. My opinion is based on several factors. I will explain two conspicuous reasons in this essay.
One of the most significant reason to support the existence of creative subjects like music, drama and arts is freedom of choice. Every individual has different qualities, thoughts and skills. Some students are really good in computers while others are naturally talented in music and drama. So, they must get chance to choose their favorite field. For example, If we barricade upcoming talent in singing and acting, undoubtedly, we would not see any other Lata mangeshkar and Amitabh bachan in the future. Students need expert mentoring to nurture their talent in singing, dancing and acting. This could only be possible by encouraging and teaching such subjects in schools.
Another possible factor to include creative subjects in school is popularity and big money. Gone are the days when dancers and singers were underestimated and paid below par. In this era of globalization every second person is becoming computer professional or engineer. This makes job market very competitive, however, if a person is qualified dancer or singer, he can earn handsome money through various ways. For example, many television competitions are offering huge amount of money to the contestants. Moreover, creative persons can always open schools to teach others.
In conclusion, undoubtedly, this is the era of computer and science, however every individual is independent to make their career choice. Therefore, schools must be flexible enough to provide all subjects, including music, drama and arts. Otherwise many youngsters will be forced to study other subjects, despite of their own choice. Consequently, country may not be able to produce great artists, musicians, dancers and actors.
In conclusion, undoubtedly, this is, undoubtedly the era of computer and science. However, every individual is independent(awkward word choice) to make their career choice. Therefore, schools must be flexible enough to provide all subjects, including music, drama and arts. Otherwise many youngsters will be forced to study other subjects, despite of their own choicetheir preference . Consequently, a country may not be able to produce great artists, musicians, dancers and actors.
Hi prince303,
I hope this helps. Overall, this is a good essay and you give good, reasonable support for your thesis. However, remember not to forget articles, and whenever you list three things, such as "the cat, the dog, and the mouse..." don't forget that there should be a comma after the dog or whatever word is in its place. Finally, I may be wrong, but it seems like you are using a thesaurus for some words such as "independent, conspicuous, and barricade." If you are, don't use words from a thesaurus unless you are comfortable using the word normally, so that it does not lead to awkward word choices.
Thank you so much name_here. I really appreciate your effort and will try to rectify my mistakes.
take care and god bless.
School is a place for student's students' overall ...
Name_here, thanks for the great work you have been doing!! It makes the forum a better place. Please check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page
Conspicuous is indeed an awkward word choice, though it means something similar to "obvious" in this context, which is not bad. I suggest replacing it with a different adjective, though.
Another possible justification for including creative subjects in school is the promise of popularity and prosperity.
In conclusion, undoubtedly, this is the era of computers and science, but every individual is free to make...
:-)
thanks a lot. Can u check this conclusion?
In conclusion, undoubtedly, this is the era of computer and science.
However, every individual should be given the freedom and opportunity
to make their career choice. Otherwise, many youngsters will be forced
to study subjects that are not their cup of tea.Therefore, schools
must be flexible enough to offer all subjects, including music, drama
and arts. By doing so, we can produce versatile students who can shine
at both sciences and arts.
In conclusion, undoubtedly, this is the era of computers and science.
Therefore, schools must be flexible enough to offer all subjects, including music, drama, and art .
By doing so, we can produce versatile students who can shine in both the sciences and the arts.---- this last sentence is very nicely written, though I made a small change.
Nice job! I agree with your points, too.
