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Music and Arts plays an essential role - discuss

saddam1990 1 / 1  
Sep 16, 2011   #1
Some people believe it is important to allocate part of school resources for art and music education even if this means spending less spending less money and time on academics.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of devoting a portion of the school day and school funds to art and music education.

Some people claim that music and art must be taught as a main subject in secondary school while others believe it is only loosing time and money. Both of them have their advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, I want to give my opinion about both sides.

On the plus side, music and art can increase creative thinking. They try to play a musical instrument or to paint their own pictures. So it will be able to improve their imagination and also appear new skills. Some students who are interested in same kind of art will be able to give each other advice. So it helps to students learning to work on team. It is vital ability for their future life.

Moreover, nowadays all subjects are very difficult and contain of more information than last years. Therefore, students work hard to learn more and take successfully their difficult exams. So, they are very tired and fall in troubles. Music can help them to relieve stress and forget all their difficulties. Moreover, student can learn about country's national music. It is very important because it is a part of country's culture.

However, for every plus there is a minus. For the one thing, some excellent students who attempt to be good at all subjects are able to fall in trouble when they are bad at its. Thus they may be boring, even discouraging them. Likewise, time is the most valuable thing in life for improving ourselves. Some students want to develop their professional skills by learning main subjects rather than spending their time on playing or painting.

In conclusion, it can be seen from above discussion that Music and Arts plays an essential role in students' life. However, selecting it as a subject in their curriculum should not be compulsory as there are many other subjects whom are more crucial to learn than musical instruments and artworks.
alexiellen 1 / 10  
Sep 16, 2011   #2
loosing >>> losing.
Both of them >>> both of what? be more specific.
Instead of "on the plus side" try something like "It is in the favor of blahblah side.."
"They try to play.." who is they?
"contain of more information"?
"take successfully their exams" >>> successfully take their exams
Watch how many "so"s you use.
Student >> students
For the one thing >>> for one thing

I liked your examples! But maybe use a few specific ones. Or quotes from musicians/artists or educationalists about the importance of learning whichever subject in school/
OP saddam1990 1 / 1  
Sep 17, 2011   #3
OK. Thanks very much It is most important advice for me

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