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Music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. A or D?


lehuuhoaloc 1 / -  
Oct 17, 2019   #1

is music able to connect what's different?



It is undeniable that music plays a vital role in the spiritual life of virtually everyone who belong to different cultures and ages. The idea here is that music is a good way to bring them together; however, I do not totally subscribe to this statement.

On the one hand, music has been proven to be valuable in connecting different cultures. There are a variety of popular music genres which have become bridges for the cultural melting pot these days. For example, Taylor Swift with the country music inspired by American culture or Richard Clayderman with the instrumental and pop music from France is one of the well-known artists whose music has help connect cosmopolitan people all over the world. Besides, music has been known as an effective therapy to decrease the discrimination on the grounds of race. Don Shirley, a victim of racism used his musical talent to prove that everyone needs to live in harmony with each other instead of accepting the ethnic tensions.

However, bringing people of different ages together maybe out of control of music. Actually, generation gaps cause many people have distinctive tastes in music. By way of illustration, the juvenile people have preference in vibrant kinds of music as pop, rock, electrical dance music whilst the elderly prefer to classical or soothing music. Moreover, the difference of lifestyle is the pivotal reason for this. The old have taste in songs contain insightful and thoughtful lyrics without superficial meanings, which are not likely to apply to the young with an active and happy-go-lucky lifestyle.

In conclusion, it seems to me that music is a decent way to bring people of different cultures without ages together.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Oct 18, 2019   #2
@lehuuhoaloc
Hi! Welcome to the forum. I'm here to give you feedback on your writing. Hopefully, this will somehow help you in your writing endeavors.

Firstly, the introductory parts are quite put-together. I appreciate how you had integrated smoother transition materials, making your essay incredibly sophisticated from the get-go.

My only suggestions would be focused on the body of your paragraphs. Consider your second paragraph. While it was great that you had included a chunk of information as an example, it certainly took away from deepening the analysis in the first parts. Always try your best to link back to your primary thesis statement as it is what you should focus on.

Furthermore, balance out your writing by trying to add more into the conclusion. If you're able to do this, you will be able to integrate more appeal to the text.


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