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IELTS Essay Music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

huyenphuong 1 / -  
Jul 25, 2021   #1
Over the past few years, music has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Some people believe that music can connect others tog to be closer. Although this issue is not without disagreement, I agree with it.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why people accept this issue. First, since music does not distinguish the ages, everyone can enjoy the same music such as pop, classical, or rock. In fact, today teenagers extremely love rap which is popular and attracts youngsters, some others think that over the age of thirty, they will never like this kind; however, this is wrong thinking. There are a variety of parents who support it and encourage their children to purchase their dreams, moreover, they enjoy rap as an art. Secondly, listening to music helps people around the world to become closer. For instance, through YouTube and all the musical apps, people can share their voice and passion with others who are from different countries and ages thank for music, people can find a lot of friends who have the same favorable music.

On the other hand, some kinds of disagreement are also taken into consideration. For one thing, in order to bring people of different cultures and ages together, people need to have the same passion for music. Mostly, the young people and the old people have a different hobby about music. For example, over thirty years old, people usually prefer to listen to classical music and the slow flow; meanwhile, teenagers have a tendency to listen to pop music or the fast-slow. Therefore, it is difficult to connect generations through music. For another thing, should people listen and sympathize with all kinds of music, it will bring others closer. As a matter of fact that this idea is pretty hard to do. However, today, there are a number of young people who combine rap and classical music together, the flow is slower and the words in the songs are meaningful which is a good point in the eyes' old people. That leads to having a positive view of rap songs.

In conclusion, despite fact that this issue is not without unaccepted, I agree with it. By taking some pros and cons, people should evaluate music positively that makes everyone connecting although they are not the same ages or cultures.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,700 3784  
Jul 26, 2021   #2
The opinion statement is only partially correct. The thesis tells the examiner of the writers opinion, that partially addresses the discussion requirement. There is a missing element in the response.There is no measurement or degree of opinion presented. While the emotion based on logic is present in the paragraph, it did not clearly represent the required emotional response in the correct manner (e.g. I strongly, partially). Since the response opinion is somewhat correct/related to the discussion, a score will still be provided for this section. Just not at a high basis preliminary score.

The secondary reasoning did not support the previous opinion. It created a disconnected discussion flow between the paragraphs as it does not provide a 2nd supporting opinion in the single point of view manner required. This created a semi- responsive presentation with scoring only partially applied based on discussion opinion relevance. The writer can only create a fully developed discussion by solidifying his opinion evidence and not altering his opinion in any discussion part.

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