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Music cannot be substituted. People can't live without it.

adamrahimov 4 / 10 3  
Feb 18, 2017   #1

the importance of different kind of music

Nowadays, people have a variety of different musical styles to listen. Listening music have turned into indispensable part of a life for a wide range of reasons, and I would argue that traditional music outweighs the international music.

The reasons why this activity have become the necessity comes from our childhood, as most kids enjoy listening music. As a result, in their later life, they have a tendency to consider the music as an essential tool which cheers them up. Apart from the type of entertainment, in most countries, listening music is regarded as an effective method to contribute learning process ranging from different languages to basic skills. Music is also an integral part of typical adult's life. Due to the fact that music can express and arouse our feelings which we cannot explain with words, most people see it as a need of the soul.

In the light of increasing presence of the international music, some people think the traditional music used up its time. I completely disagree with this idea, as the traditional music carry more meanings than the international music such as the culture or history of the country. It can easily be understood the traditions or lifestyles of the people in early days just by listening such kinds of music. On the other hands, the international music is a commercial product, so put more emphasis on catchy notes rather than meaningful words. It will be so disappointing if one day the traditional music disappears from the music lists because of growing popularity of the pop music.

In conclusion, music cannot be substituted by any other activity for aforementioned reasons, I restate that traditional music is more valuable than new types of international music because of the hidden meanings behind it.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,840 2632  
Feb 19, 2017   #2
Adam, you really did some pretty impressive work on this essay. You really understood the prompt and did your best to discuss the questions posed by the prompt. However, your excellent understanding of the prompt requirements was affected by the weak paraphrased opening and closing statement that you presented. While you did present the first few questions properly in the opening discussion, you lacked a representation for the part of the prompt that dictates:

Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

While you presented an explanation that stated your opinion on the matter, there was no foundation for the response you provided. Before you can present an overview response, you first need to present the paraphrased question. Without the questions provided first, the outline of the discussion that is to follow becomes confusing to the reader.

In the conclusion, you represented only the response to the importance of traditional music. You did not properly conclude the essay by restating the prompt requirement through a summary of the important points you discussed in the essay.

Based upon the slight problem with the paraphrasing and the grammar structure errors in the essay, I believe that you can only get a possible score of 5 on this essay.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,840 2632  
Feb 19, 2017   #3
Sehat, you should not be asking that question in this thread. This thread is only for Adam's essay and other users are only allowed to offer helpful opinions of his work. You should not be asking about his incremental score. That is for Adam to ask. You should be asking about the incremental score for your work, not his.

However, in the best interest of Adam, meaning, just in case Adam is also interested to find out, I can give the incremental score for his Task Accuracy, which is where he failed in this test. His Task Accuracy score would be a 4. His score improved overall because of the increased score marking for the remaining criteria.

Do not ask for the incremental score of another user again. I will ignore any succeeding requests from you for the score of others on this board. Those types of information are meant to be asked only by the original poster. If you do not give helpful comments, and just keep asking questions about the work of others, the admin will definitely suspend your account. Remember that and try to avoid account suspension at all costs.
OP adamrahimov 4 / 10 3  
Feb 19, 2017   #4
Thanks for the feedback. I tried to focus on body paragraphs instead of introduction and conclusion. Can you give me an example how I write introduction for this question with max 3 sentences?
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,840 2632  
Feb 19, 2017   #5
Adam, do not aim for the minimum 3 sentences for the introductory paragraph. The more sentences you have, the better your possible score for the task and grammar accuracy portion. Aim for the maximum 5 sentences per paragraph. That is the best way to increase the possibility of your score. Using the maximum sentence requirement per paragraph gives you a chance to develop more complex sentences and also prove your English fluency in the written medium. Anyway, here is how you can write an effective 3 sentence opening statement for this particular prompt.

Due to the prevalence of various musical styles these days, people wonder if music is really necessary in our lives. If it is really necessary, then which type should we listen to? The traditional music that one grew up hearing in his country or the international music that seems prevalent these days?

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