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IELTS: Why do we need music? - traditional music is used in vast level


Jiya 6 / 18  
Apr 11, 2012   #1
Slam everyone! This is my another essay, waiting for your ideas/views & correction.

Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Essay

There are thousand of types of music in the world. Some of them are; rock, pop, eastern, western, classical, folk & traditional, jazz, r & b, hip-hop, rap, religious, blues, metal, salsa, tribal, disco, rock 'n' roll, opera, and bhangra etc. But the most famous music types are; hip-hop, r & b, bhangra(Bollywood), rap, jazz & pop. Music is the sound that is arranged in a way that is pleasant or exciting to listen to.

Some people like music but some don't like. Music is a need for those people who like it. Because there are different reasons of this, "Why do people need music"? Some people listen music just for enjoyment, for time-pass. While some listen music to change the mood, environment, get relaxation from tension & hectic life, and for their satisfaction. Nowadays, two types of music are commonly listened, namely; Traditional music & International music. Traditional music is the term increasingly used for folk music that is not contemporary folk music. In other words, every country has its own music which is called traditional music. And that music which is listened all over the world is called international music.

Now question is that which music is more important or listenable; traditional or international? Although, this is correct that the international music is listened everywhere nowadays but it doesn't mean that traditional music doesn't has any importance. Every inhabitant of each country gets satisfied from his own music. This is true that people like the music of other countries but not for a long time. Soon, they came back their own music cos they find their sentiments from their own music. There are a lot of number of those people who are illiterate in every country. Those uneducated or local people can't understand the international music. International music doesn't fulfill their mental & emotional requirements or need. It doesn't satisfy them. So that's why they prefer their own traditional music. Even educated people who can understand the international music also enjoy their own music.

Comparatively, mature people like classical and traditional music while new generation like international music. To sum up, traditional music is used in vast level. People enjoy their music especially on their traditional ceremonies. In my opinion traditional music is much important than international music.

Thanks

woyaokaoyasila 4 / 3  
Apr 11, 2012   #2
I can not find any grammer error in your thread,but I think the reason are not adquent to prove traditional music is much important than international music.
icez 2 / 4  
Apr 12, 2012   #3
Hi. Jiya.

For your essay, I am not sure about how ielts essay pattern should be organized.
But I think you don't have enough supporting details. You could add more reasons.

For example, traditional music can be one of the national treasures.
Our descendants will know about how we lived through such music. (It's just my opinion)

Btw, you tried to write all genres of music in your introduction. I think it's redundant. You should not fulfill wordcounts by giving lots of examples like these.

get relaxation from tension ==> I think it should be 'release tension' not relaxation.
Those uneducated or local people can't understand the international music => ...can't understand the meaning of international music


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