Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE - MY ESSAY TO GET INTO COLLEGE


calliepj24 2 / 3  
Sep 21, 2017   #1
Hello everyone! I believe this is going to be my final draft of my college essay, and not the essay I do in college, but the essay that I submit to get INTO college! Id appreciate any opinions anyone may have about it!

these events shaped my personality



The last thing I remember was running to my room to pray. It was late at night, about 3 am, when I awoke to the sound of familiar voices screaming in the hallway. I remember trying to make sense of what the voices were saying, but as a five-year-old, I could not comprehend them. I threw the blankets off the bed and began to make my way down the stairs to the startling sounds; it is then I realized my parents were the source of the screaming. I immediately ran towards them, getting in-between them, and began begging them to stop yelling. I instantly knew this was not just a normal fight that parents had from time to time; this was something more than that, something that was going to change my entire life forever. I remember putting my arms out trying to stop the yelling, telling them that everything will be okay if they just stopped screaming at each other. My dad pulled me aside and whispered for me to go back to my room.

After that night, my whole world turned upside down. My parents divorced, and my dad was granted full custody of both my sister and me. My mom had struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction since she was a teenager. I knew the split was best for not only me, but for my entire family.

However, I cannot help but wonder what life would have been like with a mom. I have always been the type of person to continue to ask a question until that question has a definite answer, but that is nearly impossible with some questions . I once read a quote by Stephen Hawking that stated, " Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious." Ever since I read that quote, I go out every night and gaze upon the stars with all these thoughts streaming through my mind. My situation has made me come out as a stronger person, willing to face anything that is put in front of me. I live in moments, taking one step at a time, and never taking my life for granted. Because of my past, I now feel as though I see things many people overlook. I tend to notice all of the little things our entire universe has to offer.

This world is too complex to have just happened coincidentally. We only see the first layer of our universe, and the deeper we go the more beautiful it becomes. My upbringing made me see life from a whole new perspective. I began to see that I did not need to have a "normal" family life to be reared well and loved completely, but this realization took time. Honestly, growing up this way has completely shaped me into the person I am today.

Kiera9473 2 / 4 1  
Sep 22, 2017   #2
This essay is amazing. I can truly see you worked hard on this. This essay flows cohesively. The only thing I would suggest is putting in exactly how living without a mom made you stronger (maybe made you more independent) if you feel like it. Or add something to go with the "Be curious" part of the quote, and how you became more curious. But your essay without these suggestions is amazing on its own. Great job.


Home / Writing Feedback / MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE - MY ESSAY TO GET INTO COLLEGE