Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Nanotechnology (implications and the future) - essay polishing


Clyde 1 / -  
Feb 22, 2010   #1
(rule #2) Completing and polishing a 500-900 word essay.

To get an 'A' grade, I need to have evidence of significant improvement in the essay during polishing. The essay needs to be coherent and engaging. Ideas sequenced and paragraohs linked. Scientific terms need to be used effectively.

Finally, I need to have a complex argument that links opinions to facts from some of my research. A number of implications have to be discussed.

I had a discussion with my class teacher and he said that I need to improve/extend the Introduction, not bring up new topics in the conclusion (move them elsewhere in my essay), get slightly more technical and get some references.

Here is the essay below:

Immersion Essay:
Expository essay:
What is Nanotechnology?

Nanotechnology is a type of technology that is at an atomic level called the nanoscale. The nanoscale is known by scientists as x〖10〗^(-9). This is not just smaller micro technology; it is a brand new technology where which at these scales, things gets 'weird'.

To not get confused, I had better explain weird. The weird I am talking about is, changing of colours, increased surface area, and overall different properties, etc. Often, these unique properties have been described in Sci-fi, before scientists could find that these things were existent.

Scientific terms and ideas, like the 'nanoscale', or something like the 'time machine' come from made up Science Fiction books or movies. The ideas come from the creative people who write the scripts or novels to add interest into them. Sometimes about 20 years or so after the idea has come out of a Sci-fi product, Scientists will often explain the brand new things in technology with the names of the already existent Sci-fi terms. This helps Scientists around the world to describe what they discover without making up an entirely new desecration too often.

What Implications does it have for the future?

There are many different implications that nanotechnology has for the future. Some of these implications are good, while others will not benefit us. On one side, nanotechnology can ultimately improve and make our current technology finer and stronger, or could open up doors for newer technology. On the other hand, no one knows yet the outcome or the consequences of what might happen when we persist with this scale of technology, or what it could do to us and the environment.

Below I will write about the for/against of Nanotechnology focused on the future:
Some scientists have already started working on improving food quality through nanotechnology by making the flavours in the food better quality and also reducing the fat and salt that is in them. In the future it could improve medicines, so that we may even have targeted drug delivery, which targets a specific place in the body (where the pain is). Also through medicines we could create super-antibodies, and become a 'superhuman' race.

Through nanotechnology, we could also improve computer chips by up to 1 billion times the quality. This would mean 'supercomputers' for almost everybody and a lot more space on all drives. Also, relating back to the first section of this essay (about the Science Fiction): nanobots; self-assembling bots (or cars, etc).

Some negative things about Nanotechnology would be that we, as a race could become too dependent on it (like oil), run out of resources to use it, or by using it, we could affect ourselves and the environment in a hazardous way.

Scientists at the moment have actually found that some of the nanoparticles that they are working with can actually go through human skin! This could permanently damage our skin cells! If we are using nanotechnology in everyday life in the future, then it could affect the environment very much so, because we do not have the soil, water or air filters to stop nanoparticles from going through them. Our current filters are only made to stop micro particles and waste from passing through.

These were the many implications which could affect us and nanotechnologies' future.

By Clyde Fraser.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 23, 2010   #2
There are many different implications that nanotechnology has for the future.--- this kind of sentence always weakens an essay. It is just too simple. Instead of saying it has a lot of implications, you can give a sentence about the main idea of the paragraph, which is that it has implications that are both positive and negative.

To not get confused, I had better explain weird. You can cut this sentence out altogether, I think, and it will be better. Also, I think you should put this together as one paragraph:

Nanotechnology is a type of technology that is at an atomic level called the nanoscale. The nanoscale is known by scientists as x〖10〗^(-9). This is not just smaller micro technology; it is a brand new technology where which at these scales, things gets 'weird'. To not get confused, I had better explain weird. The weirdness I am talking about is, changing of colours, increased surface area, and overall different properties, etc. Often, these unique properties have been described in Sci-fi, before scientists could find that these things were existent.

In order to show substantial improvement, add a few more paragraphs to each of the 2 sections. That is always a good idea in this kind of situation. The way to do it is to simply read a good article, write a pragraph about what it says, cite it, and repeat that process.

:-)


Home / Writing Feedback / Nanotechnology (implications and the future) - essay polishing