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Narrative essay- important decision for CBEST Pormpt


sapst21 2 / 2  
Jun 16, 2009   #1
Please give me any feedback(grammatical errors, sturcture, usuage...) Thank you all~!

Descrive a particular time in your life wehn you had difficulty making an important decision. Identify the situation and explain whether you were able to resolve the problem. If it was resolved, how? If not, why not-what happened?

We have come across many decisions that we have to make walking on the road of life. Some decisions might be easy to decide, but others might be difficult to make because it would change one's life in many aspects. One such decision that falls into the latter category is the marriage. The marriage is one of the difficult decisions because it is the matter that two people who grew up in the different backgrounds, and have different viewpoints live together in later their life. As for me, however, I had another reason which made me feel difficult to decide the marriage besides the reason mentioned above. That was the matter of decision of which country I would live.

The first time that I met my current husband was when I went to Los Angeles from China for studying English. He was also a student there and we felt in love at the first sight. After I finished my studying and went back to China, we continued relationship as a lover apart from each other for 10 years. In 2006, my husband proposed me, and I faced the difficult choice that I had ever made.

The decision that I marry him was not difficult one because we got through many things together for 10 years, and built true love and trust, being apart from each other though. However, since he lives and works in the U.S, I was required to decide the immigration into the U.S. for living together. It was the tough decision because I had to give up many important and meaningful things in my life such as sharing my time with my family members, and close friends, as well as my stable career in China. In addition, I was also afraid to live in other country because of the language barrier, and cultural differences. However, I finally decided to get marry him and move to the U.S. because I did not want to break up with him.

At the first time when I moved to here, it was hard time for me living in new country as I expected. However, after times go by, I am getting accustomed to new life, making various friends, enjoying more relaxed and comfortable life compared to very busy and hectic life in Korea. Most of all, I finally found out the way to become a teacher at public school which is my long-cherished dream, but I could not realize it in China. Although I sometimes miss my family members, I am now satisfied with my new life living with my lovely husband, being with new friends, and making an effort to come true my dream.

EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jun 17, 2009   #2
First I will talk about content and then about grammar and style. You've made a good choice concerning which difficult decision to discuss, as this was a truly difficult and significant decision for you. I notice that, while you discuss the many reasons the decision was difficult, you do not share much about your decision making process.

Also I notice that the essay begins weakly and ends without a true conclusion. For a stronger overall essay, begin with the image of you wrestling with the decision or, perhaps, with the images that ran through your mind as you made the decision.

However you begin the essay, be sure to give it a conclusion where you not only tell the reader how it all worked out for you (which you already do) but also discuss the subject of the essay: The process of making a difficult decision.

Next, grammar. I notice that, like many non-native English speakers, you sometimes mix up your prepositions and sometimes omit or misplace articles. These are relatively minor problems but, in accumulation, significantly weaken your prose. Here are some examples:

One such decision that falls into the latter category is the marriage.

TheM arriage is one of the difficult decisions because it is a matter in which two people who grew up in the different backgrounds, [omit comma] and have different viewpoints live together later in life.

In 2006, my husband proposed to me, and I faced the most difficult choice that I had ever made.


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