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Narrative essay / the street artist


al_nadwani 1 / 1  
Sep 19, 2009   #1
Assignment's instructions.
This is a narrative essay based on a Rembrandt's etching
This is the etching's photo's link :

The teacher asked us to write a 350-500 words narrative essay based on the etching, using narrative elements of setting, plot, charecters and narrator. Other literary elements: my imaginative narrative should match the mood, tone and theme. Finally, the organizational form of my "personal" story should order the sequence of events in a "before, during and after" pattern considering the etching print composition being the "during" part of the story.

The Street Artist
Every day, he was busy on the street drawing pictures of people for money. He was very talented. At noon, his wife Jolie delivered lunch to her beloved husband, although she was pregnant.

At the end of one day, on the way back home, William saw a paper nailed to a tree. It was a competition to draw a portrait of the king of England. As London was nearby, William decided to participate.

One month later, all the artists presented their drawings in London. The king was very impressed and delighted by William's drawing; he chose him as the winner and rewarded him his weight in gold and silver.

When William returned home, the entire town congratulated him.
"From today, our life will change to the better," William said to Jolie with a smile.
"I am happy because our child will not live in poverty," Jolie replied with a grin and dreaming eyes.
The next day, William left for some business. It was just after sunset when William reached home. At that moment, William's brother came to him running.

"Hurry, Jolie is injured and she is having an early labor! The thieves stole the money," his brother said as he was out of breath.

William was shocked, but he had no time, so he started running to the house as fast as he could. The nurse came with watery eyes.

"It's a girl," the nurse said.
"What about my wife?" William asked anxiously. The nurse faced the ground sadly.
"What happened to my dear wife?" a tear ran down along the husband's cheek as he was screaming to the nurse. He wanted to hear the words from the nurse, as he thought it was a nightmare.

"I'm sorry," the nurse said. He crumbled silently to the ground, wishing that this is just a bad dream that soon will go away. He soon realized that what happened is true as he heard his son crying. He did not know what to feel, happy for his new girl or sad for his murdered wife.

Since that day, William sought revenge but days have passed and he still did not know the identity of the thieves. As the will for revenge grew in him, Jolie's image in his head was fading. He decided to draw his beloved wife to remember her forever.

William returned to his job as a drawer on the street, because he was robbed and he had a daughter to feed. He did not like returning to the street again. With time he started to accept it, then he loved the job like before and the will for revenge faded away.

One day at noon, eight years after the incident just like her mother, his beloved daughter Jolie delivered lunch to her dear father. He was pleased to see her after a busy day, he saw his wife Jolie in her and loved her like he loved her mother until the day he saw his wife again.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 19, 2009   #2
"he was screaming at the nurse"

Good story. You say it has to match the tone, mood, and theme, though. Do you mean it has to match the tone, mood, and theme of the etching, or only that they should work together in the story? If the latter, you are solid ground. Otherwise, you might want to examine the picture more closely.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 19, 2009   #3
I like this story too. But I can't help but notice your over-reliance on the verb to be:

Every day, he was busy on the street drawing pictures of people for money. He was very talented. At noon, his wife Jolie delivered lunch to her beloved husband, although she was pregnant.

At the end of one day, on the way back home, William saw a paper nailed to a tree. It was a competition to draw a portrait of the king of England. As London was nearby, William decided to participate.

One month later, all the artists presented their drawings in London. The king was very impressed and delighted by William's drawing; he chose him as the winner and rewarded him his weight in gold and silver.
OP al_nadwani 1 / 1  
Sep 20, 2009   #4
dear EF_Sean,
first, thank you for your correction. About the mood, tone and theme, they must match the etching, so do you think I must work on it?

By the way, do you see that my story is realistic? because it has to be so.
thanks alot for your help.

Dear EF_Simone,
Thank you for telling me about that, I'll work on it.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 20, 2009   #5
The story is too pat to be realistic. Also, the theme of the etching, according to the website you posted, is "love brings forth art," which isn't really the theme of your piece, as near as I can tell. He loves his wife. He creates art. But you never really connect those two things. The notion that he starts drawing images of his wife to remember her could be on topic, but again it is just one more detail that you don't really do anything with.


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