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The national news should be prioritized over international news as it may relate to our daily lives


baotram1812 6 / 11  
Aug 8, 2020   #1

IELTS TASK 2: National news and international news



Topic: Some people focus on news in their country, while the others think it is more important to be aware of international news.
Discuss both views and give opinion.

Here is my essay, please help me improve my writing skills. Much appreciated!

It is undeniable that news keeps an important role in daily life. Whereas a handful of arguments state that national information should be paid attention to, others claim that it is essential to read worldwide news. In my opinion, I believe that it is better to prioritize national news over international ones.

The most supported idea for focusing on worldwide information is that people need to know what happened abroad in other to either protect their country or show sympathy to other nations. For example, by updating news about the Covid-19 epidemic originated in China, civilians in foreign countries are able to not only keep safe for both themselves and their nations by carefully doing the right things that can prevent the virus, but they can also give support to other countries being in danger, which really need to be empathized. However, rarely does the world have such a devastating event to care about.

On the contrary, the majority of society reckon that news in country is more necessary compared to international news. If residents focus on national information, they possess knowledge of things that need to be cared about such as finances, criminals and accidents. Therefore, they can keep up with the pace of life in their country and develop lives in appropriate ways.

From my perspective, news in country is much more important in comparison to worldwide information because national news is events which can have considerable effects on our daily lives. For instance, the economy of the country is unstable means financial accumulation is necessary for the worst situation. As long as we have proper awareness of things happen surrounding, we can have suitable preparations to protect us from dangerous states.

In conclusion, updating information is essential for everyone. However, national news absolutely should be prioritized over international news as it may relate to our daily lives.
DoctorWho - / 46 29  
Aug 9, 2020   #2
Hey!
You have some good ideas with respect to your essay.I have a few suggestions that I feel can help you.
The major problem I feel is grammatical errors or errors in use of tense in certain places.
Another thing I wanted to point out is the careful use of conjunctions. Make sure your sentences don't become unnecessarily long because of using too many and also don't start a sentence with one.

It's also always better to organize your ideas and present them into discrete paragraphs before writing your essay.
Para 1 - Introduction into the topic and which side appeases to you.
Para 2 - Dive into the heart of the topic. The above IELTS task asks you to explore both sides. What advantages national media holds and then how does it vary from the international kind, the ill effects of both and how they compare, etc.

Para 3 - You reiterate your reason for picking the side you choose in a simple sentence or two as your conclusion para.

I am going to do a quick correction of your first 2 paragraphs.
It is undeniable that news keeps has an important role in daily life our daily lives. Whereas While a handful of arguments state that national information should be paid attention to, others claim that it is essential to read worldwide news. In my opinion, I believe that it is better to prioritize national news over international ones.

The most supported idea for focusing on worldwide information is that people need to know what happened abroad in other to either protect their country or show sympathy to other nations. (THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE IS THE ONE WHICH IS ABNORMALLY LONG)For example, by updating news knowing about the Covid-19 epidemic pandemicoriginated originating in China beforehand, civilians in foreign countries are were able to not only keep safe for both themselves and their nations by carefully doing the right things that can prevent the virus, but they can also give support to other countries being in danger, which really need to be empathized themselves safe by being well informed on prevention but they were also able to offer support to other countries on a humanitarian basis. However, rarely does the world have such a devastating event to care about.

An example of a better conclusion...
While it is always important to keep ourselves updated with news of events happening around the world to be well informed, priority has to be given to local or national news which directly impacts our day to day lives and to which the person can contribute to.


Your essay just needs a little more work to make it an excellent one.
Practice makes perfect.
Good Luck! :)


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