In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.
Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
In some nations, home ownership becomes increasingly prominent role for people compared to rent home. In my opinion, although this tendency stems from the concerns of privacy of people, it is feasibly prone to advantageous position
There are many contributions lead to this situation but the chief motivation is definitely the deprivation of privacy. When people live in a rent house, it is apparent that many strangers reside together and likely to cope with the risk of criminal, especially in apartment. Hence in some places are lack of security, people may endeavor to get private information with regard to the person they require by hiring detective or observing secretly. Not only this action violates illegally the rights of individual, it can also make the victims become isolated from society and result in mental issues. Reportedly, in fact, because of being exploited individual information, people have to deal with immoderate amount of pressure and unreasonable disreputation from other inhabitants who live nearby them
Otherwise, individual house is regarded as an advantageous trend owing to its benefits for the liver as a whole. By living in their own houses, they may sense relax more effectively since they are not easily disturbed by strangers and tantamount to an incentive for increasing productivity in the workplace and improving optimism in order to improve quality of working. By contrast, frequently, some tenements or blocks of flats for renting have extremely noise pollution and detrimental for families have children as well
In conclusion, base on the convenience, people are more likely to buy houses in some nations as they don't want to be deprived of privacy and be more productive. While rented house often remain draw back such as its noise
++Please tell me about grammar, vocabulary and coherence
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There are two sentences that became unclear with the presence of two unnecessary word s in the prompt restatement. If you removed the phrase "for people" in reference to the role of owning a home, the sentence would have been clearer to the reader. Additionally, rather than "ownership", which was referred to in the original prompt, you should have used an alternate keyword such as "proprietorship". "Rent should have also been replaced with the word lease". It means the same thing as ownership, but was a replacement word for the original. Replacing heh keywords from the original prompt tend to increase your LR score. As for the second sentence error, it is more of a word phrase error. "feasibly prone". Feasible means "capable of being done" while "prone" indicates "a natural tendency". So the word phrase results in confusion for an ENL. Rather than trying to impress the reviewer with the use of incorrect vocabulary in reference to a positive position, you should have simply indicated that home ownership can be considered a positive outcome for people. Word usage, correct word usage, based on word meaning is very important in the overall scoring consideration. The LR score in this essay would have been greatly pulled down by the first paragraph vocabulary errors alone.
There is no such thing as a "rent house". Again, this is incorrect vocabulary usage. There are rented houses, rented homes, rentals, but never rent houses. To rent a house means the act of contracting a house to live in, it does not mean that you live in it. You also cannot say "reportedly" and then claim "in fact" immediately after. Reportedly means "according to a report or rumor". While "in fact" means the information is based on data. These types of errors will result in even more C&C deductions in your work.
Overall, this essay will fail based on several glaring errors, LR, GRA, and C&C problems. You are trying to gain a higher score based on word usage. Unfortunately, you do not have the proper understanding of the meaning of English words to properly use most of them in a coherent sentence. You also lack the basic understanding of how an English sentence is formed, as seen in your incorrect adverb usage at the start of a sentence.
The word "Otherwise" is an adverb used to describe an opposing or alternate presentation to a previous one. As such, you cannot use the word at the start of a paragraph where a topic sentence has yet to establish the content of the paragraph. This is a serious GRA error on your part and shows a lack of English sentence structure rules.