(IELTS WRITING TASK 2) Many nations have recently decreased the retirement age

Many nations have recently decreased the retirement age. Are the benefits of this change greater than the drawbacks? Explain your viewpoint with reasons and include appropriate examples based on your knowledge or experiences.

Retirement age, which has been decreased in many countries, sparks significant debate about the positive and negative impacts. This essay will strongly advocate the negative side that affect on both the economy and the retired people themself.

In economic perspective, Company's productivity will record a decline. Initially, the elderly employees usually are the most experienced figures in any organization, alongside holding managerial positions such as Chief of department. For example, Dr. Hoang, working as a CEO at Long Chau pharmacy, is well known in his field. His mind still has a lot to contribute as CEO to increase the sales of the pharmacy, but he is forced to retire due to old age. The strict rule of retirement has taken away productive old individuals that can still be able to contribute to the economy.

On the personal levels, financial burden might be unavoidable for old-retired people. As they are old, health is a serious problem that can negatively impact their life if they are not treated with medical aid. Unfortunately, buying medicines and visiting doctors usually cost a lot of money, and the decrease in retirement age exacerbates the problem by cutting down their monthly salary. Proponents of the notion may argue that they still have pensions to cover. It is true that pensions can cover them, but only to some extent as pensions are a proportion of their taxes, and pensions in some countries, especially developing ones, are far from great.

In conclusion, the disadvantages of lower the retirement age outweigh the merits on both personal gains and economy. Following this notion only leads to financial burden for the early retirement people and weakens the economy.

Incorrect vocabulary. This should be "themselves", Them is the plural form of "himself" or "herself". Self in plural form is written as "selves".

Even though your grammar is not perfect, your English skill usage will be judged to be along the early intermediate scale due to the almost always proper word usage and the clarity of your explanation. While the explanation could use stronger advanced English words, your ideas are clearly presented and explained to the reader, leaving the reader well informed and capable of understanding your point of view in the presentation.

The word count itself is just the right number of words. It is possible for you to get a better GRA and C+C score in this case since the essay is just the right length to avoid any forced writing and word usage errors.

The introduction needs a hook.
Retirement age, which has been decreased in many countries, sparks significant debate about the positive and negative impacts. This essay will strongly advocate the negative side that affect on both the economy and the retired people themself.

Don't start like this; it needs refinement and better grammar. The examiner is assessing your vocabulary and ability to write proper complex and compound sentences. If using difficult vocabulary is hard, then you paraphrase the main question, but make sure to use good synonyms.

The reduction of the retirement age in various countries has ignited intense debate regarding its broader consequences. While some view this shift as a progressive step, this essay argues that lowering the retirement age poses substantial drawbacks, both for national economies and for retirees themselves.

In economic perspective, Company's productivity will record a decline. Initially, the elderly employees usually are the most experienced figures in any organization, alongside holding managerial positions such as Chief of department. For example, Dr. Hoang, working as a CEO at Long Chau pharmacy, is well known in his field. His mind still has a lot to contribute as CEO to increase the sales of the pharmacy, but he is forced to retire due to old age. The strict rule of retirement has taken away productive old individuals that can still be able to contribute to the economy.

This is an essay, not a Task 1; it needs to be descriptive and in a logical flow. Giving examples is good, but it lacks depth. It's not an economic perspective but a business one; you are not discussing the economy. It would be economical if you discuss the effect of retirement on the economy of the country.

Early retirement can negatively affect businesses, as many may see a drop in productivity. This is because older employees are often very experienced and play important roles in a company. They usually hold high positions, like managers or department heads, and help guide younger staff. When these experienced workers are forced to retire early, the company loses valuable knowledge and leadership. As a result, the business may not grow as well, and this can also harm the country's economy.
I suggest using simple english, don't try to use words that you haven't learned, don't force vocabulary. Work on precison and sentence structure and flow.