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Writing task 2- nature or nuture influence human development

thamnt 1 / 2 2  
Jul 24, 2017   #1
Hello everyone, could you please help me correct my writing task 2 on the following topic. Thank you.
Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on your personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

impact of the environment we were born

The idea of nature-versus-nurture has long been debated, with no conclusive conclusion. Some studies have suggested that no nexus exists between genes and behaviour patterns while other research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on your personality and development than their life. This essay is to discuss these two schools of thoughts, with some facts being closely examined.

There is no denying the fact that genetics plays a large role in the determining a person's character. Nativists take the position that all or most behaviours and characteristics are results of inheritance. Genetic traits handed down from parents influence the individual difference that makes each person unique. For example, researchers found that identical twins were twice as likely as non-identical twins to share the same personality traits, suggesting that their DNA was having the greatest impact.

By contrast, some experts now argue that our genetic inheritance has virtually nothing to do with our personalities. They believe that a child's behaviour signals the accumulative effect of the environment where they grow up. Studies show that many young criminals come from problem families who have a history of violence and crime. Without good job prospects, they end up finding solace in gangs. Another example to show parent's effect on their child's behaviour that children with fine upbringing normally show their courtesy and professional etiquettes in coping with real-life problems, similarly, offspring of nurturing mother tended to be less anxious than those of more lackadaisical mother.

To sum up, people are made by both learned and born traits. There is no need to reach a conclusion that either environment or nature plays a decisive part in one's character and behaviour development. Although the effect of genetic heredity is overt, one can not afford to ignore that of environment where a child is nurtured.

(305 words)

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,883 2165  
Jul 24, 2017   #2
Tham, you did not clearly understand the prompt requirements. You were being asked to discuss only your single opinion in relation to the statement made in the original discussion Here is a sample of a more appropriate paraphrase:

People are born with characteristics that researchers believe influence their development as a person. Researchers say that being born with the character traits has a major influence on the personality of an individual more than his life experiences. As with the opinion of these researchers, I believe that there is a single major influence that helps to dictate the personality and development of the person. Through this essay, I will be discussing what that major influence is and why I consider that to be the single, most important influence in a person's personality development.

From that point, your next 3 paragraphs should have introduced your choice of influence and explained it's basis. The basis could have been explained in 2 separate paragraphs that represent the public perception that influenced your opinion and your personal experience. It would have resulted in a sound representation of the original prompt requirements along with your concluding summary statement at the end.

The way that you discussed the whole essay is not in accordance with the prompt instructions and expectations. I am sorry to tell you that, in my opinion, the work that you did would not have passed in an actual test setting due to the misunderstanding that you had of the prompt requirement. This was solely a personal opinion paper and you discussed a general statement instead. That is where your main mistake, and where the failure of the total essay lies.
OP thamnt 1 / 2 2  
Jul 24, 2017   #3
Thank Holt for showing my problems, but i still confused. Can not i discuss this topic in a balance way? i mean i was trying to express that there is no one major influence in a person's life.

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