Unanswered [19] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

IELTS Task 2 - Whether necessary to travel abroad to learn about foreign culture or not


rogerl 1 / 1  
Feb 22, 2014   #1
Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary because all the information can be seen on TV and the Internet.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
--------------------------------------------------
International travel is becoming more affordable than ever, and a increasing number of countries are willing to open their doors to tourists nowadays. However, whether it is necessary to travel abroad to experience their cultures has arisen as a controversial issue. My view is that visiting other countries is far more efficient in order to learn about them, but getting information online should be treated as an alternative method rather than abandoned.

Facilitated by modern world transportation, traveling around the globe within hours has become realistic. This means that everyone is now able to spend his/her holidays in the other side of the world if he/she wants so. In short, people can go anytime nowadays, which makes traveling quite a direct and easy way to understand foreign worlds.

Moreover, the impression travel leaves may also last a lifetime on visitors. The excess of information online is dazzling and confusing for the curious people. Who still remembers the story he dug out online about the Great Wall if he did not instead traveled to China in the flesh after years? Traveling also provides you the opportunity to communicate with the interesting natives from a variety of cultures.

This is not to say that the advent of TV and the Internet brings us nothing to praise. TV programs now enable you to pick up foreign cultures when you are exhausted after work, and the Internet offers instant contents for your research with the deadline of tomorrow. Besides, these media help you learn more about a handful of countries which is dangerous to visit for average people.

To sum up, it is clear that traveling is becoming vastly increasingly popular, while learning from media is also a great substitution sometimes.
--------------------------------------------------

Any advices on grammar, vocabulary, layout or ideas are appreciated!

Roger
=)

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 22, 2014   #2
and a increasing number

... an increasing

However, whether it is necessary to travel abroad to experience their cultures has arisen as a controversial issue.

you are narrowing down the scope of your prompt which says -

learn about other countries

... culture is just one aspect of a country. There are more things other than culture that tourists are interested in. For example, natural beauty, wild life, landscapes, beaches, cuisine etc. So, introduce your prompt in its original sense.

Facilitated by modern world transportation, traveling around the globe within hours has become realistic. This means that everyone is now able to spend his/her holidays in the other side of the world if he/she wants so. In short, people can go anytime nowadays, which makes traveling quite a direct and easy way to understand foreign worlds.

You also need to include examples in your body paragraphs. It is a must feature for this task.
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 22, 2014   #3
hi, I think this is nice essay you make clarity and simplicity.
Let me share

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary because all the information can be seen on TV and the Internet.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion .

International travel is becoming more affordable than ever, and a increasing number of countries are willing to open their doors to tourists nowadays. However, whether it is necessary to travel abroad to experience their cultures has arisen as a controversial issue. My view is that visiting other countries is far more efficient in order to learn about them, but getting information online should be treated as an alternative method rather than abandoned.

To sum up, it is clear that traveling is becoming vastly increasingly popular, while learning from media is also a great substitution sometimes.

Your prompt want you give your opinion. You already give it in the intro but better you give the sentence which mention your opinion in the conclusion,too.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 22, 2014   #4
You need to have examples to support your reason.
OP rogerl 1 / 1  
Feb 22, 2014   #5
culture is just one aspect of a country. You also need to include examples in your body paragraphs. It is a must feature for this task.

Thank you! I wanted to substitute the "learn about other countries" in the prompt, but didn't come up with better words :(

You also need to include examples in your body paragraphs. It is a must feature for this task.

Thanks for your advice! Would it be better that I substitute the "everyone", "the other side of the world" with more specific words? Besides, is the "China" one considered as an example in the third paragraph?

You already give it in the intro but better you give the sentence which mention your opinion in the conclusion,too.

Thanks for your advice!

You need to have examples to support your reason.

So I need to include examples for every state I made, and I'm not supposed to make my ideas pure abstract concepts. Got it! (It's quite different from how we express ourselves in our country :P ) Thanks!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 22, 2014   #6
So I need to include examples for every state I made, and I'm not supposed to make my ideas pure abstract concepts. Got it! (It's quite different from how we express ourselves in our country :P ) Thanks!

Well... in this task, you would be given marks for particular features of your essay. That is why I gave you the above structure. That is what most of the IELTS sites and experts suggest for this task. It's easy follow and quite logical too. Since this task has a major bearing on time, it is good to follow a particular structure (preferably the above) when you do practice essays. That helps you save time and include all essential features in your essay to get a decent score :)


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Whether necessary to travel abroad to learn about foreign culture or not