Hi everybody,
This is my ielts essay writing about necessity of extra benefits for employees.
Thanks in advance for your help.
In the current societies, whether the amounts of salaries paid to employees are insufficient has been becoming a controversial issue. Many believe that employers should raise the rates of numerations to keep their workers satisfied. I vindicate this opinion owing to a number of reasons, the most significant of which are better balance between income and expense, increasing employees' motivation and boosting the level of mental health of society.
The facts tell us that the cost of living has soared in recent years all over the world. This problem influences in particular the employees who receive a fixed and limited pay monthly. It takes demanding efforts to make a living. Hence, there is an urgent need to support them via allocating extra perks to them with the aim that they can afford their daily requirements.
On the other hand, being well-paid, the employees will regard themselves as a major member of the system in which they are working. In other words, given increments can act as an incentive. As a result, they will feel more responsible about their job and following this, their efficiency will be enhanced.
Finally, such added rewards can decline the high pressure of life on the middle class. Nowadays, concerning about the future has been turning to a serious obsession among people. Therefore, extra benefits such as insurance can make employees more relaxed and prepare more spare time for them to enjoy with their families. This can lead to a peaceful environment and even may to some extent decrease the rates of crimes.
In conclusion, advantages of additional payments should be highly considered by employers. Admittedly, as long as the employees have been a delicate group, it seems essential for related officials to care about their rational demands.
not that bad, keep practising. your sentences are quite sufficient and fully understandable, it is not difficult to grasp what you meant to express in the essay. thx for it, I spent these 5 minutes with an avail reading it.
Always post your essay prompt so that others can give you more relevant comments. : )
numerations
.... the correct word is "remunerations" which means salaries
I vindicate this opinion owing to a number of reasons,
.... vindicate is not the appropriate usage here.
You can say;
I support this idea/ I agree with this opinion/ I too hold the same view/ I defend this view/
Be careful when you use key words because you need to use them in appropriate places. It's always better not to experiment with words that you are not very sure of their usage. The best way to enhance your knowledge of vocabulary and their appropriate usage is reading others' essays. You may find many good essays here on similar topics.
Hi sweetdreamzz
Thanks a lot for your encouraging comment.
I'll do practise as you said.
Hi dear dumi
I'm grateful for all your help.
about the word 'numerations' I should say that it was just a typewriting mistake.
but regarding using words in appropriate places, you are absolutely right. I should follow your advice and study hard,
Hi Pahan
Thanks for your useful corrections.
wish you all luck
