TOEFL - NEIGHBORS DEPEND ON EACH OTHER LESS TODAY

Thanks very much!!!!!!!!
I am taking TOFEL this Saturday. I really need help with my writing. You will see me often posting essays here these days.
Thanks again~~

The topic is: Nowadays, neighbors depend on each other less than people in the past.

Some people claim that nowadays neighbors do not depend on each other than they did in the past. I totally agree with this statement. With the development of living conditions, we live in better houses and neighborhood with confined security. Ironically enough, it is also the enhancement of housing that separate us from out neighbors. We are cut off from opportunities to interact with our neighbors.

My grandmother lived in courtyard house with other three families when she was young. Courtyard house was common in China, with one-story apartments built around a square courtyard. There were no kitchen or bathroom in each apartment so that the neighbors had to share them in the courtyard. Everybody met each other everyday and sometimes cooked together. When the families got familiar with each other, they had routine activities. After dinner, all people gathered in the courtyard, adults chatting while children playing. My grandmother told me that neighbors at that time just like families.

Neighbors in the past did not only emotionally depended on each other, they also helped each other in daily life. My grandmother said my mother was actually brough up by Mrs Wang, a housewife lived in the west wing of courtyard. My grandparents were so busy at work that they had no time to look after my mother, and they just put my mother at Mrs Wang's. In fact, all the other families also put their kids at Mrs Wang's. Neighbors were assured to have Mrs Wang caring for their kids and Mrs Wang was happy with it. Everybody was helping each other in different ways. My grandmother was a teacher so she helped tutor all kids' homeworks. Mrs Liu not only shared her excellent recipes but also the delicious cookings. Neighbor at that time were so close and dependent on each other that my grandmother no still have phone calls with her old neighbors, even though they lived in different cities now.

The modern living condition, to some extend, prevent us from get in touch with people outside the house. Obviously we don't share kitchen or bathrooms with neighbors. In fact, we don't really have a chance to meet them let alone make friends with them. Thus, when we need help in daily life, neighbors tend to be the least people we would ever think of. We call for a babysitter to look after our kids. We hire tutor to help with our kids' homework. We go to cooking classes to learn new recipes. In a modern society like today, it is really difficult for people to rely on their neighbors.

After all, taking all factors into consideration, it is reasonable to get the conclusion that people are less depended on their neighbors.

Okkkkk.... then a last minute advice, rather a tip :D
Leave one blank line between paragraphs. That gives your essay a neat and tidy look that your examiner would be impressed with. :)
Well.... It seems you have good writing skills, especially your vocabulary and grammar. However, essays of this TOEFL task need to follow a particular structure that helps you earn marks.

You can write well. It is only you don't follow a good essay structure. Dumi has given you the outline of the essay structure and I hope you'd take it seriously. Your essay need to have an introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion. Pay attention to what she has explained about those features.


.... the reason for this had been the social structure in those eras were more interdependent. This dependence had been narrowed down by the technological advancement which has helped people to manage their affairs on their own.