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New company goods - Ielts writing for task2

shannov 1 / -  
Dec 26, 2021   #1

Recently, companies usually demonstrate that their goods are newer than before.

This phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, I will discuss the both sides.

In terms of the company, it must have a spotlight on their product that would appeal consumers and it usually with the new functions or improvements. Take brand 'Apple' as a example, there a lot of competitors in the smartphone fields, it must be unique to compete with the others. Moreover, this commercial strategy is also a way of demonstrating their attitude of life-up that would give the consumers a positive impression. According to this, it is a positive impact to both company and clients that former one keep improving their products while another one could be served with the better products.

However, it also has some bad effect in some cases. Due to the naturality, human beings are born to have a sense of curios. Thus, people would rather try new things than old ones. It is clear that the new merchandises always catching eyes of people. For instance, my mother often buy product, especially foods, which seller called it a whole new goods that you ever seen or tasted. And it resulted in my mother being waste more money to buy something which does not needed actually.

To sum up, I consider that commercials clarifying the products which is different from the previous one or other products, has a range of influences in both positive or negative ways. It can be depended on the each side of companies and consumers.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,303 3989  
Dec 26, 2021   #2
In this essay, I will discuss the both sides.

You already told the reader that you will be discussing both sides when you said that there are advantages and disadvantages to the scenario. What the examiner will expect to read are the topics or the individual topics you will be discussing as an advantage and disadvantage. That is because of the task accuracy requirement that uses the topic sentences to show the examiner how well you understood the discussion instructions.

The presentation needs more work in terms of clarity and vocabulary usage. The writer tends to use incorrect word references, without first checking if the meaning of the word is correctly spelled or, used in the correct reference manner in terms of meaning. The student needs to build on his vocabulary skills with more English reading and a specific focus on English word meaning.

I consider

Seeing as how there was no need for a personal opinion in the advantage and disadvantage discussion, the writer has made a serious error that could fail his essay due to the personal opinion reference in the concluding statement. Without a proper summary conclusion, the essay will be considered open ended, one of the major reasons that an IELTS test often recieves a failing score.
hhspark 3 / 11  
Dec 31, 2021   #3
I think you need more statements for readers to perceive your logic. Being 'unique' would not be enough, adding more details how it affects consumers in their actions and thoughts would be helpful. Overall it seems very vague.
ratinahat - / 1  
Dec 31, 2021   #4
The points could be justified further. For example, in third paragraph, what happens when people buy things that they don't need? why is it bad? Also, take note of the word count, it should be 250.
Daegu 2 / 2  
Dec 31, 2021   #5
It is a bit a vague, and you want to get rid of the fluff. "However, it also has some bad effect in some cases" can be replaced with "However, due to the naturality, human beings are born to have a sense of curios..." This makes it much more conscise. As someone else said; the word count has to be 250 words
samidare707 1 / 3  
Dec 31, 2021   #6
another thing, you forget about at least 250 words rule. do not forget about it. it will affect on your final score at exam
Kevin Huy 1 / 1  
Jan 2, 2022   #7
From my point of view, in your introduction part, you should have a thesis statement that states the overview idea of advantages and disadvantages that you want to discuss later in the body part.

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