Throughout history, there is no doubt that education constitutes the backbone of a healthy society. In today's world, some governments have made numerous efforts in an attempt to find a new educational system. In this respect, there are various different educational systems which are implemented all around the world. However, not only have favorable effects on students but also some negative outcomes are likely to emerge in terms of adaptation of the students as well as decrease in motivation.
To commence with, it is an undeniable fact that decrease in motivation can be regarded as the most remarkable effect of changes in educational systems very often. Even though there are many changes in educational systems, many students are confronted with many problems. For example, in Turkey a great number of high school students are very anxious because of the university entrance exam. Inasmuch as, every year, education systems undergo numerous changes. Owing to such changes, students may give rise to depression and decrease in motivation.
Apart from decrease in motivation, adaptation of the students also can be viewed as the most significant outcome of changes in educational systems. On the one hand, students, if not all have difficulty in adopting school lives. On the other hand, the governments make onerous effort to find a better educational system. In this respect, students are confronted many serious problems which are really difficult to solve. For example, a student will enter a exam yet, exam date or system may change suddenly. Thus, students are likely to have difficulty in adapting a new system .
All in all, the obvious conclusion to be drawn would be that adaptation of students together with decrease in motivation can be considered as the primary causes of changes in educational systems very often.
love the way you started off the essay.
All in all, the obvious conclusion...<-----replace "obviously" with something else. The word basically says "how could you not see this?", which is not a great thing.
Other than that, you are fine.
A small change is necessary for the verb, because you said "throughout history"---> Throughout history, there is no doubt that education has constituted the backbone of a healthy society. --that is true!
...that a decrease in...
Thus, students are likely to have difficulty in adapting to a new...
Your English is quite clear, and you are writing about a very important topic. I think your writing is very meaningful and anything you write is valuable enough that it should have at least 3 or 4 sentences in the last paragraph. Give a few sentences to really express your message in that last paragraph.
:-)
