The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.
Nowadays, technology has influenced to people. It brings a lot of changes to their life which one of changes is their works. Single career was very popular in the past but it is becoming an old fashioned now. Due to new technology play important roles to many fields of work. According to my experience and observation, people have to try to learn multi-skilled or higher education for better life.
Admittedly, almost of people in past had only one profession. They worked about eight hours per day and spent their free time with families and friends. Their lives were more simply and fine than in today. However, lifestyle of new generation is not same as the past anymore because of higher competition. In order to get a good occupation, they need to study more and more in many subjects. The new generation has to show that they have more capable and potential than others. It is very common that the companies will choose hotspot or multi-skilled person for making the highest useful to the firms. In addition, if people want to earn much money, they will learn more subjects such as Computers, Arts, Sciences, Management, so on. These are very useful for applying to their works.
In the modern world, people need to learn multi-skilling, get high education and improve knowledge all the time for prevent losing jobs and attain high salaries that continue throughout life. I predict that there are many developments of sciences increasingly in the future. Who want to be out-of-date thinking?
influenced toon
almost allof people in the past
Their lives were more simplysimpler and finebetter than in today
they have more capableabilities
i cannot see an appropriate conclusion in ur writing
u,d better use provided that instead of if
as and since r better than because
i saw in some sentences that u wrote adjectives instead of nouns, u r supposed to be much careful about those mistakes.
You should work more on your grammar, like ArezuF stated above.
Also, work on the structure of an Ielts essay:
+ In the introduction, paraphrase the topic, and state your opinion (depends on the question, but you didn't include the question in the topic so I can't give you a suggestion). Don't include anything that is not related to the topic (for example, the topic doesn't have anything to do with technology so you don't have to mention it).
+ in the body, write at least 2 paragraphs with 2 main ideas supporting your point of view (depends on what the question asks you to do)
+ in the conclusion, again paraphrase the topic and state your opinion. Don't ask a question at the end.
Keep working, read some samples, write a lot and you will definitely get better.
Best.
