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New medicines on the market at the expense of animals


sfiza 17 / 28  
Apr 22, 2017   #1
please give me your valuable suggestion to get band 7+ in my writing.

NOWADAYS ANIMAL EXPERIMENTS ARE WIDELY USED TO DEVELOP NEW MEDICINES AND TO TEST THE SAFETY OF OTHER PRODUCTS. SOME PEOPLE ARGUE THAT THESE EXPERIMENTS SHOULD BE BANNED BECAUSE IT IS MORALLY WRONG TO CAUSE ANIMALS TO SUFFER, WHILE OTHERS ARE IN FAVOUR OF THEM BECAUSE OF THEIR BENEFITS TO HUMANITY.

DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

Animals are being used in medical researchers these days. Such researches are hold up by some people, while others are more care about animal right. Though I feel the statement that animal testing is morally wrong, I would have to go for limiting the amount of animal experimentation because of well-being of humankind.

As living creatures, Animals have right to enjoy their lives in peace. If the animals are continuously used for medicine researches, they will become be exploited. . For example, as monkeys have a 98% identical DNA structure to ours, they are tested by new drug to measure the effectiveness of the drug. These activities not only hurt the animals, but also may destroy the balance of nature. Opponents of such research argue that humans have no right to subject animals to different kind of trauma, so scientists should use alternative methods of research.

However, for the great benefits in medical sector, it may hard to find a suitable substitute for animal experimentation. If the researches purpose for inventing medicines are stopped for banning testing on animals, so how it will possible to invent new medicine for the demand of time. For this reason, opponents of such research need to feel a necessary evil when their loved one might need a medical treatment that had been developed through the use of animal experimentation. I personally feel that the use of animals should be banned for non-medical products, but I believe that it should be limited the amunt of animals testing for medicine researches.

If medicine and medical procedure are concerned, animals testing ls is badly needed because of the lake of alternative methods. Despite of moral and ethical issue, animal experimentation are ongoing for that reason. It seems to me it would be better to limit the use of animals instead of banning the testing on animals.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,699 2054  
Apr 22, 2017   #2
Fiza, the current score that you can get for this essay is no higher than a 4. While you did a good job of paraphrasing the prompt topic and instructions for the discussion, you failed to properly discuss the outlined instructions in the paper. What I mean to say is that the way that you presented the discussion should have clearly indicated which side of the topic you were discussing (pro or con) in every paragraph. At the moment, it appears that the whole body of the paragraphs discuss only your personal opinion instead of the pro, con, your opinion (in no particular order), discussion that the final instruction required. It is because of this problem with your presentation that you got the low score. Always remember to counter check your prompt discussion outline against the required discussion. That is the reason why you were not able to properly address the prompt requirement in this instance. By making sure that you represent all the discussion points in your essay, you will be able to better increase your score chances.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Apr 24, 2017   #3
Hi Fiza, these below are my thoughts for finalizing your essay. Please, meet my notes and fix them.
Fiza, avoid using the word "feel" when you wanna show your perspective. That word is less convincing. You should use the words (suppose/ reckon/ think/ believe, etc). This I have found in your thesis statement of the first paragraph. After that, you failed to offer the example relating to your view in the first body paragraph. Your example tended to support an advantage of using animals for testing medicine. Be careful of delivering your example because it influences your coherence and cohesion for your idea.

I have also found a large number of grammar errors such as verb agreement. Besides, you also made misspellings. Please, double check your words. That is a minor error, but if you do more, that can reduce your score. You are supposed to provide a few minutes for correcting your grammar. Be aware of what you wrote. Make sure that what you write is what you mind. Your position was not actually proper to be placed in the last sentence of the second body paragraph. That is not clearly coherence with your previous explanation. Its flow is enough bad.

If you wanna get a high score, please you show your conclusion clearly. You directly gave suggestions, but you did not restate your perspective and conclusion. This is one of essential elements for writing the essay.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your ability.
GOOD LUCK


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