I am going to take Ielts test, so if you give me a band score for this essay, i will appreciate it.
parenting classes aren't the solution
Parenthood is not an easy task, so in some countries, there are classes to help couples better prepare it. However, I do not side with this view for the following reasons.
On the one hand, I know parenting classes provide learners with in-depth knowledge about different stages of development, thus couples would know clearly how they would raise their kids according to each period. For example, when should parents start feed their children with food or drink, what the temperature should be applied when their infant sleeps, all of which would be brand-new for new parents. Secondly, these courses would prepare parents first-hand knowledge when their offspring has emergency such as high fever, choking. Knowing these knowledge in advance saves parents a lot of time searching and asking other people.
On the other hand, however, I think courses are unnecessary as couples could learn themselves to handle it through a lot of sources such as Internet, grandparents' advice. For example, in Viet Nam, parenting knowledge is usually passed down from older generations such as grandmother who have time-honored experience or in today's world, there are a lot of free groups of mothers sharing and asking about valuable advice on Facebook. Furthermore, so expensive is parenting preparation that it usually involves accommodation, medical fee, baby clothes and nutritional products for mother, so it puts more burdens to couples if they have to afford those courses. This may even lead them to debt, especially with medium-class families, affecting their budget later on. Another reason is that parenting tasks are various, teachers could not expect all of them as they only just teach common problems, so it would not ensure parents could deal with all specific situations when they have babies.
To conclude, it seems that although classes have several benefits, parents do not need to attend them as they could always learn from other cheaper sources for specific situations, and from the past, without such courses, parents still took good care of their children.I actually just have some feedbacks to your writing.
- Introduction paragraph: + " better" should go after "it", I suppose.
+ Indeed, you should develop your introduction paragraph more because it's so short and not attractive at all.
- The first paragraph: +" should" will be placed after " parents"
+ There is no "the" before "temperature"
+ I think that "secondly" should be " on the other hand" because you use " one the one hand" before.
- The second paragraph: + "For example, in Viet Nam... on Facebook." needs to be cut down because it's so long. After "or", it must be a noun or noun phrase.
+ Is " so expensive is parenting preparation that" in a correct structure? I'm actually not sure, so you should check it again.
- The conclusion should be cut down due to its length.
I hope that it partly supports your writing. For me, you need to practice more if you set a high score in IELTS.
