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IELTS TASK 1: NEW RESIDENTIAL CONSTRUCTION


hellomango 1 / -  
May 10, 2019   #1
THE NUMBER OF SINGLE-FAMILY HOMES CONSTRUCTED IN THE US BY REGION OVER A PERIOD OF SIX YEARS

The line graph illustrates the number of single-family houses built in various regions of the United States over a period of six years from 2006 to 2012. According to the graph, there was a significant decrease in the number of houses constructed in different areas of the United States at various time, most of the regions seem to follow the same rising and falling trends.

There is a significant difference in the number of houses built in each region. As can be seen, the South had the highest figure for new residences, while the Northeast had the least number of homes out of the four regions. After 2010, the number of new homes in the West continued to fall and get the lowest number out of the four areas.

The figure for new residences in different areas changed over each year, tend to decrease over six years. The highest number of new houses built in 2006 in all regions and three out of the regions get the lowest point in 2010. Most regions had the number of homes decreased significantly in 2006 and hit the lowest point in 2010, then surged slightly or remained constant until 2012.

Thankyou for your feedback.




Maria [Contributor] - / 473 211  
May 10, 2019   #2
@hellomango
Evade unnecessary data. In addition, ensure that you make your sentence construction concise and technical as much as possible because it'll benefit your entire essay. This is especially important if you are writing informative essays that are analytical.

Let's take a look at your essay and deconstruct a few portions.

There are instances wherein you cam omit particular data, especially if you are repeating them already. Having hold of this technique will let you develop your ideas in a clearer manner because you would not waste time merely repeating the same things.

This was observed in your first paragraph; I would revise this portion as:

The line graph illustrates the number of single-family houses in the United States from 2006 to 2012. In a period of six years, there was a significant decrease in the construction of houses in various periods of time. Fluctuations persist.

Notice how I had restructured the paragraph to make sure that I do not repeat the same terminologies (not unless necessary). Using appropriate terminologies (ie. saying fluctuations persist instead of fully describing the trend as both mean the same thing) is also important.

Keep these in mind as you are editing. Best of luck!
greynd 3 / 8  
May 10, 2019   #3
Hi hellomango,

1. Always include the original question. You are likely to be judged on how properly you paraphrase the question (in the opening paragraph)
2. Avoid using "According to the graph". It means that somebody said something but in this case, it's you who analyze the graph and come out with a general statement.

3. Run-on sentences in the Overview paragraph. Seperate the two independent clauses with a comma or combine with a conjunction.
4. You failed to "specify" or go into detail in the body paragraphs, which means you did not include any statistic/ number (which can be easily seen on the graph). For example, in Body 1, when comparing the South and the West, it's imperative that you present specific numbers (to prove the statement).

5. Revise sentence types and structures. You made several mistakes regarding this and it made both your CC and GR suffer.


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