Dear Angela :)
Here are some of you minor mistakes :)
Nowadays people usually spend their free time in large shopping centers. In shopping centers we can find almost everything we need such as food, clothes and sometimes entertainment as well. Many people would surely be happy if a huge shopping centre would be built in their neighbourhood. Others may argue that there are many drawbacks to take into account like traffic. The issue is controversial, but in my opinion I am convinced that there are more advantages than disadvantages in building a shopping centre near where I live in.
Well the intro is too long, you can combine simple sentences into one to make your essay more complex, hence gain more scores. It should be like this:
Nowadays people usually spend their free time in large shopping centers
. In shopping centers we
as they can find almost everything
such as food, clothes and sometimes entertainment as well. While
Many people would surely be happy if a huge shopping centre
would be builtwas built
in their neighbourhood, others may argue that there are many drawbacks to take into account
. The issue is controversial, but in my opinion I am convinced that there are more advantages than disadvantages in building a shopping centre
near where I live innear my home.
First, I don't have to travel in order to buy something. For instance, if my grandparents have suddenly decided visiting me and I don't have some ingredients for cooking a delicious cake, I can run in a few minutes to the shopping centre and buy them. In addition, as I said before, shopping centers may have entertainment centre such as cinemas
as well asor bowling and so on(well you should not use this kind of words in your essay. It means that you are stuck here and cannot list more) . If I want to watch a film or have fun with friends, I don't have to go to the city centre or to move. Clearly, another aspect should be considered, and namely cost of travelling. I can easily save the money that I would have used for travelling around the city.
another reason is my time-consumingA neighboring shopping mall may save my time quite a bit .. In fact, moving easily to buy what I need means more time to spend on doing something that I love. For example, I can use my time reading a book on the sofa or cooking for my husband. Saving time -consuming is very important in our frenetic society and this can also affect andeffectively reduce my level of stress.
=> Well, you have introduced too many points in para 1, while 2 has only 1. Maybe you can distribute again, making the two more equally presented. That would be better don't you think?
On the flip side of the coin, a big consequence is that traffic would increase meaning more acoustic pollution or contaminated air. However, I truly believe that nowadays everywhere I go is no longer safe
r than before. Indeed, parks and green areas in the city centre are polluted as well . So, are there places where I can breathe clean air? I would sceptically answer that there aren't. Therefore, a shopping centre in my neighbourhood would not damage this catastrophic situation more than how it is already damaged.
To sum up, while there are arguments to be made for both sides, I support this plan because building a new shopping centre has all the advantages mentioned above.
what are all the advantages? You should mention them here again, but briefly, because your conclusion is too short.