Help me, to improve my writing with What can I score in IELTS on this Essay ?
Any new technological development in the recent years is a boon or curse for the society in general.
or
In the past 100 years, there have been many inventions such as antibiotics, airplanes and computers. What do you think is the most important of them? Why? Greatest invention in the last 100 years, medicine, science or technology?
Science and technology have greater influence in human life since their inception.
We are surrounding by machines for the intrinsic need to support our luxury life style. Science and technology brought revolution in human life. Despite all of developments and technological advancements still some of the analysts consider that it is curse for our society. The following paragraphs will explain inevitable reason, thus to deliver a plausible conclusion.
There are myriad of reason to support my stance, the most conspicuous and irrefutable is the invention of Computer. Computer made human life easy and faster. Not only can the computer work error free but also it has the ability to save the information for the period of unlimited time.
Moreover, Computers are playing a pivotal role in communication, calculation, navigation and automobile industry.
On the contrary, Firstly, Computer itself has no disadvantages and it disadvantages are depend on its usage. Secondly, staring for a long time at computer screen can be dangerous for eyes health.
In the light of above mentioned points, I pen down saying that Computer has a lot of advantages and that cannot be ignored and its disadvantages are too less to ignore as every garden has some weed
hi @lalodhi,
you have a good stand point. I'd like to give you some suggestion as follows :
1. Put a clear stance from you either in the introduction or the first main body. From my personal opinion it's better to put your stance in the introduction paragraph to maintain the coherency of your idea. Moreover, that is part of the task in ielts essay that is really important. Check my correction below
"The following paragraphs will explain inevitable reason, thus to deliver a plausible conclusion." inevitable reason of what?
"There are myriad of reason to support my stance," still there is no stand following this statement
2. Give more extension in your arguments. You only mention that the invention of computer as the greatest. It's better to add why is it greater than the other options. Add one or two examples after your extension to support the idea.
3. If you have more than one argument, it's better for you to put them into different paragraph. It's better for you to provide depth in analysis instead of giving several unelaborated ideas.
so far you had few grammatical error in your essay, here are some of them
Firstly, Computer itself has no disadvantages and it disadvantages are depend on its usage (I think that is redundant *are you sure there is no disadvantages at all? If you said so then you need to paraphrase it.* put your argument on the disadvantages based on it usages
... We are surrounding surrounded by machines for...
... Despite all of [the] developments and technological..
... that it is [a] curse for our society. The following paragraphs will explain [the] inevitable reason...
... and it disadvantages are depend on its usage.
There you go. Keep practice!! :)
