Hi everyone, I am Caroline. I am taking the IETLS test in a few days and I really need your help in order to estimate my band. Please review my writing and leave some comments. Thank you.
adaptation to new traditions or not?
In recent years, when globalization becomes a more common term, the term "immigration" tends to be so popular all over the world. People seem to prefer migrating and living in other countries for better lives. Eventually, they will have to deal with a big question when they set foot on the new land "Adaptation to new traditions or not?". Personally, my answer is "Definitely Yes"
From years to years, traditions are something that everyone should respect. Everyone has their own customs, which appear extremely solid in mind. Thus, some people can not stand if someone seems to be offensive to their beliefs. In this case, coming to a new country and insisting on keeping your own traditions will bring you a lot of troubles. For instance, in most Middle East Asian countries, where they are so insistent about their customs, seeming to be not respectful may make people be unwelcomed, offended or even on a higher level, attacked or injured. Despite being considered open to cultural diversity, North American, being unrespectful will give newcomers an unsatisfying experience when locals unwelcome you.
On the other hand, coming to a new country with basic knowledge of local traditions benefits newcomers a lot in getting along and being settled down. Every single one coming to a new land will have to deal with thousands of difficulties, knowing how the country works will get you involved in much faster and easier. For example, in Canada, Canadian are so famous all over the world for being so polite by always saying "Sorry" in most situations, no matter what. If migrants know this tradition and apply it in their daily life, they will eventually get respect from locals, get involved in society and furthermore, promote their later future.
In conclusion, I am absolutely into the idea that people should adapt to new traditions and customs to get involved in the new community and have better chance to fulfill their future.hi Caroline. I think you should not use words such as everthing, something or anything because it is not clear. Try to find diffrent words or paraphrases.
Ex: Everyone People has their own ...
the words " you, we, us, our" are not also used in Ielts writing task 2 because they are informal. you can replace these word with " they or their" or paraphrases.
I hope you get a high score in Ielts test.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Hi Caroline, there are 2 instruction prompts for this topic. This is either a simple agree /disagree discussion or an extent of agreement/disagreement essay. Since you did not remember to post the full original prompt with your response essay (a requirement of the forum for review and scoring considerations) I will not be able to score your essay.
You know what? If you had given a more accurate paraphrase of the prompt, I would have been able to decipher what type of essay discussion you were being asked to provide. That is the problem, most students fail to understand that the opening paraphrase is the most important part of the essay because it shows how well you are able to explain the topic, reason, and instructions based on the original presentation. If you can successfully explain what the essay is all about, then you will have a tendency to pass this test.
This being an academic but personal opinion based paper, you have to refrain from placing questions and quotations in the presentation. You must be direct to the point and clear with regards to your discussion. You must also make sure that you double check your grammar rules and punctuation guidelines. "Definitely Yes" should be out of the quotation marks and not capitalized unless it is presented as a title for a movie, book, or something similar. Make statements, not quotations.
Now, I am preventing myself from discussing some other problems that I see in your paper because I lack the original prompt basis for comparison. I believe your paper has more errors that can be presented and corrected. Unfortunately, I can't go beyond the general review due to the lack of the original discussion instructions.
I think your tone is more proper with creative essay, not academic one. And you need to explain deeply about the reason for this argument Everyone has their own [...] to be offensive to their beliefs.. I think if you could demonstrate why the traditional beliefs make locals feel serious with others who offend them depending on their rooted behaviours and give detail example of this, your essay would have more influences.
Hope this helps
