Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Newcomers in a foreign country - should they obey local rules and customs?


Navy Captain 1 / -  
Aug 3, 2018   #1

People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country.


To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays it is clear that moving to a foreign country has been on demand in recent decades for a variety of reasons. [1] Although preserving national identity is benificial in many ways, I would argue that people should follow the customs and traditions when they immigrate to a new nation.[2]

On the one hand, there are a lot of benefits of conserving national identity when people start to live in a new country. [3] First, each ethnic community has positive character traits, if they can be enhanced, those people can help each other in different problems such as accommodations and jobs.[4] For example, since chinese people often support each other, including startup capital, commercial activity and tourism in Chinatown develop significantly, which increase their income.[5] Second, by maintaining the habit of eating traditional food in foreign nations, people can contribute to the economic development of native country.[6] For instance, if Vietnamese students invite their friends to eat Vietnamese food, especially pho, they might love Vietnamese traditional cuisine, as the result they want to travel to Vietnam, promoting tourism development.[7]

On the other hand, newcomers will face less difficulities in daily life when they adopt the customs and traditions of the country of residence.[8] First, in order for overseas students to participate in extra-curricular activities and make friends easily, they should follow the customs and traditions. [9] This not only help them improve their academic achievement as they can discuss subjects with friends, but also boost their confidence when they apply for jobs.[10] In addition, immigrants might fall foul of the law if they do not respect the behaviour and customs of indigenous people.[11] In singapore, for instance, people will be punished, such as fine and community service, for eating chewing gum.[12]

In conclusion, I would argue that people should follow the customs and tradions of locals but do not forget to express national identity when they settle in a new country.[13] This benefits people themselves as well as the native country. [14]

Kurtbu 1 / 1  
Aug 4, 2018   #2
Nowadays it is clear ...

Excellent opener I feel like it is a great attention getter but overall ends kind of abruptly
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Aug 4, 2018   #3
Nghiep. your essay is not responding to the question being asked of you in the essay. For this extent essay, there has to be a degree of agreement or disagreement in your response. This is not a direct response essay, which is the format you chose to take for this paper. You need to familiarize yourself with the various question types for the task 2 essay in order to avoid these sorts of mistakes. Here is the clear outline that will show you the mistake you made:

Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Response: I would argue that people should follow the customs and traditions when they immigrate to a new nation.
Expected Response: I completely/ totally/ partially agree/disagree with the given statement.


Your response will give this essay a TA score of 1 because you are not responding to the task you were provided with. Based on that TA score, plus the existence of run-on sentences in every paragraph, which made the paragraph content and meaning difficult to ascertain, plus, the double topic discussions per paragraph, with little explanations made for the second topic creates non-cohesive and little coherent paragraphs as the reader cannot really understand what the actual point of each paragraph all add up in terms of low scores for the remaining 3 criteria the final score is to be based on.

Although your essay is long, you have not accomplished enough in it to ensure a passing score. Several errors affected your ability to get close to a score of 5 with this essay presentation. Long essays are good, but only if these essays prove to be high scoring in terms of the 4 scoring considerations. Otherwise, long essays only serve to decrease your scoring considerations.

The objective of this task is to make sure that you can discuss the topic in a manner that is clear to a native English speaker. So even if the essay is short, as long as it meets the minimum word count and is understandable by an English native speaker, you will be sure to get the highest scoring consideration marks for your work. Do not sacrifice quality for length. You will be sacrificing the wrong aspect of scoring in the essay.


Home / Writing Feedback / Newcomers in a foreign country - should they obey local rules and customs?